Baiting: When Someone Pushes Your Buttons and Uses Your Reaction Against You

On today's episode we are talking about something called "Baiting". It has nothing to do with fishing!

Baiting is an informal term for provoking someone in an attempt to elicit a response. In an abusive relationship, that response may then be used to blame, discredit, intimidate, or manipulate the other person.

Here's an example:

A person repeatedly sends insulting messages late at night. You ask them to stop, but the messages continue. Eventually, you send an angry response. They take a screenshot of your message and show it to friends, relatives, or other people involved in the situation. Of course, the messages that came before yours are missing. Now, no one knows what caused your response.

In situations involving separation or custody disputes, these interactions can feel particularly frightening because you may worry that your reactions will be used against you.

When someone knows you well, they may know exactly which subjects cause you pain.

They may know your fears, your insecurities, your past experiences, or the things you are most protective of.

They may know how to make you feel misunderstood or how to bring you to tears.

And when you have been dealing with repeated stress, even a relatively small provocation can feel like the last straw.

What can you do?

- Learn to recognize your own warning signs when emotions start to rise.

- Pause before you respond. Take a deep breath. Drink some water or stop responding to the conversation if it's safe to do so.

- Consider if the conversation needs to happen at all. If communication is necessary because of shared children, legal matters, work, or practical responsibilities, keep it focused on the issue at hand when that is safe and appropriate. For example, if a message contains several insults and one practical question about a scheduled exchange, you may be able to respond only to the necessary question.

- Be careful not to ignore court orders, essential parenting responsibilities, or legal deadlines. If you are unsure how to manage communication, consult an attorney or advocate.

- Consider keeping records. If the person repeatedly sends threatening or abusive messages, preserve the original communications when safe. Keep a paper trail of dates, times, and relevant context. If you are concerned about stalking, threats, or court proceedings, ask an advocate or attorney how to preserve information appropriately.

Avoid editing evidence in a way that changes its meaning. Ask an attorney or domestic violence advocate on how you can preserve the evidence.

- Please do not provoke someone in return to obtain evidence.

- Practice responding rather than reacting when you have the opportunity.

This doesn't mean suppressing your feelings or pretending everything is fine. Consider what response serves your actual needs.

Remember, you do not have to attend every argument to which someone invites you. But you also do not have to risk your safety to walk away from one.

Talk with an attorney or domestic violence advocate to ask for advice on how to respond appropriately if you feel someone is using this tactic.

Stay safe and God bless,

Mel

Find help and info here-

National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠

Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠

⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠

⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠

Sexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠

Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠

Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)