A Homosexual Rant: Were All Ancient Gays Pedophiles?

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Have you, like me, ever been kind of disgusted and disappointed by how obsessed ancient gays seem to be with "boys"?

They won't shut up about it. Ancient Greeks and Romans who were "homosexual" in their sexual tastes seem to have had the hots exclusively for underage teens in "the flower of their youth" (their words, not mine).

This is an undeniable and real part of ancient sexuality – but it has also, in my august and 100% infallible view, been vastly overstated.

Who stands to benefit from painting ancient queers with this broad brushstroke? Typically, people who don't want to have to deal with them. Your conservative-leaning, Western-civilisation-worshipping, empire-loving cis-het uncle is probably one of these.

Rome was the pinnacle of human achievement, the first time Western man mastered the universe. No pederastic pansies are gonna take that away from him.

But this narrative also exempts queer people from having to confront a seedier side of our queerness – historical and modern. Perhaps we write them off in this way because it makes it easier for us to see ourselves as modern, enlightened queers.

We are not like them, we believe. We certainly would NEVER have any freaky-deeky ideas about age gaps, dads and sons, or other fantasies readily available in the OnlyFans corners of Gay Twitter.

The historical reality is of course much messier than this myopic view of ancient sexuality allows us to understand. And as I'll argue, the things we should find disgusting about our Greek and Roman forefathers do not begin and end with their taste for adolescent sex. (Which to them would have been barely worthy of comment.)

So get ready for another well-researched rant – you can expect an intellectual thrashing through all of these issues, as well as a brief inquiry into "what tops really want when they fuck you." You're welcome.

Now come on in, the water is....human temperature.

Episode Credits

Written and hosted by Bash

© Sebastian Hendra 2026

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