94: Should I Tell My Parents About the Affair?

Your parents found out about the affair, and now they want you to leave. What do you do with that while you're still trying to figure out what you want?

When a hurt partner tells their family about infidelity, the people who love them most often react with shock, fear, and a fast verdict: leave him, leave her, you deserve better. It comes from love. It can also leave you defending a marriage you're not sure about yet, or going quiet with your family and facing one of the hardest decisions of your life alone. In this episode of Relationships Uncomplicated, Idit Sharoni, LMFT, is joined by Dr. Ana de la Cruz, LMFT, an infidelity recovery therapist at Relationship Experts whose doctoral research looked at how unfaithful partners experience forgiveness and commit to rebuilding trust.

Idit and Ana talk about whether to tell your parents at all, what's happening for a parent on the other end of that phone call, and why your family may only be reading the worst chapter of your story. Ana offers words you can use to ask for support without handing your family the decision, including "I don't need you to decide for me. I need you to love me while I figure this out." They also talk about what her research found that challenges "once a cheater, always a cheater," why forgiveness can't be demanded in either direction, how to get through Thanksgiving and the family group chat, and what the unfaithful partner can do when the in-laws see them as the villain.

This episode is a companion to episode 93, where Idit and Dr. Yael Neagu, LMFT looked at adult children who step into their parents' marriage after an affair.

If the two of you want to see whether healing is possible, and the people you love most are making that harder instead of easier, that's exactly the work we do. Request a private 45-minute consultation and we'll look at your situation together and tell you honestly whether our program, It's Okay to Stay, is the right fit for the two of you: https://iditsharoni.com/45

Episode page: https://iditsharoni.com/94

What you may need most from your family right now isn't a verdict. It's somewhere safe to land while you figure things out.