Creating a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Earnshaw

Creating a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Earnshaw

We all want a relationship that's more than just functional, we want one that's truly fulfilling. On today's episode Forrest is joined by a wonderful therapist and author who focuses on giving people the tools they need to communicate, navigate hard times, and create deeper connections with other people: Elizabeth Earnshaw. They explore: How the pandemic impacted our relationships The Gottman approach The stages of a relationship Balancing differing needs for intimacy How to request, and give, repair. They then close the episode with a fun game focused on debunking common relationship myths. About our Guest: Elizabeth is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the founder of A Better Life Therapy, and the author of I Want This to Work. You might also know her as @lizlistens on Instagram, where she’s helped countless people transform their relationships. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction. 1:45: Elizabeth’s background. 5:30: How did the pandemic impact relationships? 7:30: Responding to stress in relationships. 9:00: Co-regulation. 11:15: Punishing others for our unpleasant emotions. 13:45: The four stages of relationships. 17:50: What to look for in a partner. 20:10: The “Four Horsemen” of bad relationship communication. 24:25: Key skills for navigating conflict together. 27:00: How to request repair from your partner. 34:10: Deciding if you should leave. 37:45: Interdependence. 41:30: Balancing differing needs for intimacy. 46:30: The Instagram Meme Game: Common misconceptions about relationships. 47:30: “Partners should share everything with each other.” 50:30: “Your partner should be your ride or die.” 52:15: “Never go to bed angry.” 54:50: “My partner is my missing piece.” 56:35: “If you can’t handle me on my worst day, you don’t deserve me on my best day.” 1:02:05: Recap. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Boston Globe Media comes a new podcast, TURNING POINTS, a show about navigating mental health. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 26: Use Calm to Fight Stress

Ep. 26: Use Calm to Fight Stress

Dr. Hanson and Forrest begin a new series of episodes exploring the strength of Calm. Particularly, they focus on how we can learn to activate the calming wing of the nervous system to fight back against stress. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:30: Why is calm an important inner strength? 3:20: The dangers of being hijacked by fear. 7:05: The biological basis of calm. 11:05: Modern culture and the sympathetic nervous system. 12:30: Understanding your needs. 15:15: Developing a wide range of response. 17:20: The ease of being driven from the green zone. 19:20: Ways to calm down. 23:00: State calm vs. trait calm. 28:00: The importance of tranquility. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Heinä 201832min

Ep. 25: How to Feel "Like a Good Person"

Ep. 25: How to Feel "Like a Good Person"

It's often surprisingly hard to feel like a good person...even if we are one! Dr. Hanson and Forrest wrap up the strength of Confidence by exploring how we can authentically feel like a good person from the top-down and the bottom-up. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What is “feeling like a good person?” 3:00: Why is it hard to feel like a good person? 6:00: Comparing part of our lives to all of another’s. 7:00: Why is it good to feel like a good person? 11:00: Ways to grow the feeling of being a good person. 17:00: Top-down vs. bottom-up 20:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Heinä 201822min

Ep. 24: Managing Your Inner Critic

Ep. 24: Managing Your Inner Critic

There are two “characters” we all have inside our minds: an inner critic and an inner nurturer. Dr. Hanson and Forrest focus on how we can manage our inner critic while building up a strong inner nurturer. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:40: What is an inner critic and an inner nurturer? 2:15: Do we have these voices in balance? 4:30: 3 things we can do to limit the influence of the inner critic. 7:55: Balancing too much and too little criticism. 10:00: What value can we take from the inner critic? 11:50: The experience of a child. 14:15: Building up your inner nurturer. 17:20: What the inner nurturer feels like. 19:00: How we feel inside vs. how we act towards others. 20:30: How to stop the inner critic before it gets going. 24:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Kesä 201826min

BONUS: Paul Gilbert on Confidence

BONUS: Paul Gilbert on Confidence

On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Hanson interviews Dr. Paul Gilbert, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Darby and the founder of compassion focused therapy. They explore how we can grow a healthy sense of self-worth, be honest without being critical, and stop undermining our own confidence. The content of today's episode was taken from Dr. Hanson's online course, The Foundations of Well-Being. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Kesä 20181h 10min

Ep. 23: Stop Punishing Yourself

Ep. 23: Stop Punishing Yourself

Our negative reactions to the painful experiences of life that are often more harmful than those experiences themselves. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how we can avoid these “second darts." If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:40: What are the first and second darts? 2:50: An example of first and second darts. 5:15: Finding where you have influence. 7:15: Avoiding adding second darts. 12:30: Not fueling second darts. 15:00: Changing the channel on second darts. 15:50: Managing second darts in relationships. 18:55: Sticking to first darts when communicating. 21:10: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Kesä 201824min

Ep. 22: Secure and Insecure Attachment

Ep. 22: Secure and Insecure Attachment

Attachment Theory is one of the most important frameworks in psychology. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore why this theory is so relevant for everyday life, and how adults who may have had challenging childhood relationships can become more securely attached in the here and now. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:00: The spectrum of confidence. 2:10: How does confidence “get into” the brain? 4:30: Learning confidence. 5:45: Why do we care so much about the opinions of other people? 10:30: The link between social and physical pain. 12:45: Secure and insecure attachment. 20:00: Attaching differently to different kinds of people. 23:50: How to become more securely attached. 30:30: Why does creating a coherent narrative help us become more securely attached? 35:50: Being someone others can securely attach to. 40:40: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Kesä 201843min

Ep. 21: How to Be Happy for Other People

Ep. 21: How to Be Happy for Other People

There is one form of happiness that is always available: happiness for others. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how feelings of altruistic joy can be a powerful antidote for experiences of disappointment and envy. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: Why is happiness for others such a reliable resource? 1:20: Why is feeling happy for others good for us? 3:15: Finding happiness for difficult people. 5:40: Mending relationships through happiness for others. 7:50: The naturalness of envy and jealousy. 12:15: Letting people land. 17:05: Working through blocks to altruistic joy. 22:15: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

28 Touko 201824min

Ep. 19: Take in the Good

Ep. 19: Take in the Good

So many good things happen to us that we don't take the time to fully take in. Dr. Hanson and Forrest look at the role fully taking in the good things in life has in the process of building mental strengths. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:20: Why focus on taking pleasure. 1:45: The many little opportunities to take pleasure. 4:05: The psychological benefits of pleasure. 6:50: Why do so many people struggle with taking pleasure? 9:45: Consumption vs. appreciation 13:00: How can we get better at taking pleasure? 16:00: Finding pleasure through relating. 19:30: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

14 Touko 201822min

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