Attachment, and Cultivating Nonattachment

Attachment, and Cultivating Nonattachment

You might have heard the line “attachment is the root of suffering.” It comes from the Buddha, but you don’t have to be a Buddhist to recognize that becoming overly attached to a particular outcome, person, or view of yourself can lead to a lot of suffering. At the same time, there are clearly things that are sensible to be attached to – like our loved ones, a basic moral compass, and fundamentals like food and shelter. So, what’s the problem with attachment? On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss the problem with attachment, what differentiates healthy and unhealthy forms of attachment, and what we can do to relax attachment over time. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:10: Learning from Buddhism without trying to be a Buddhist 8:45: Two kinds of suffering 12:00: Distinguishing healthy desire and unhealthy desire 19:40: Markers of problematic attachments 24:10: Self-concept, and an example from Forrest of relaxing attachment 30:25: Balancing "Right View" and nonattachment 42:25: Pain and release 50:55: What’s useful for you? 55:45: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Try Splendid Spoon today and take meal-planning off your plate. Just go to SplendidSpoon.com/BEINGWELL for $50 off your first box Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 43: Aspiration with Dr. Dan Siegel

Ep. 43: Aspiration with Dr. Dan Siegel

Today we’re beginning a new strength, Aspiration, with a conversation between Dr. Hanson and Dr. Dan Siegel. During this episode, Dr. Siegel will explain how you can use “mindsight" to tap into the dreams you had as a child, and honor those aspirations as an adult.  This interview is also a part of the Foundations of Well-Being online program. If you'd like to learn more about the Foundations of Well Being: https://thefoundationsofwellbeing.com/affiliate/38370 Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: Interview begins 4:00: Why has it been important to you, personally, to develop inner strengths? 8:25: How has your life experience contributed to your view of Aspiration? 14:55: How can you use Mindsight to tune back in to your childhood dreams? 21:20: Reclaiming the dreams of your youth. 29:45: What are some of the internal blocks people bump into? 38:30: Supporting the thriving of others. 46:15: How can we support the aspirations of younger people? 56:30: What advice would you give your younger self? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Marras 20181h 1min

Ep. 42: Repairing Relationships

Ep. 42: Repairing Relationships

At even the best of times, our relationships require a natural process of correction – let’s call it repair – to clear up little misunderstandings and ease points of friction. Doing that skillfully is the focus of today's episode. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: What are the common things that require repair? 3:25: The problem of resisting repair. 9:00: Checking our attributions and understandings. 15:30: Negotiating relevant values. 17:40: Know that your needs matter. 20:50: Expressing your needs clearly. 22:15: Scaling your relationships. 23:40: Repair as an expression of caring. 25:45: Leading with the good. 27:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

29 Loka 201829min

Ep. 41: How to Assert Yourself Effectively

Ep. 41: How to Assert Yourself Effectively

Relationships go smoothly when everyone wants the same thing. But how common is that? On this episode, Forrest and Dr. Hanson continue the strength of Courage by exploring how we can assert ourselves effectively. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: Why do people struggle to assert themselves effectively? 3:10: Setting the stage for asserting yourself. 8:45: Keeping your eyes on the prize. 11:50: Commenting on process. 16:10: Focusing on the future. 18:15: What would it look like if you got what you wanted? 24:00: Make requests, not demands. 25:50: Making requests with dignity. 28:50: Consolidating your gains. 30:45: Make clear agreements. 32:15: How can I help you do this? 37:10: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Loka 201839min

Ep. 40: Speaking from the Heart

Ep. 40: Speaking from the Heart

Think about the weight of what’s been unsaid in your relationships. What have the effects been on you and other people? Today we’ll explore how to express those undelivered communications, and "speak from the heart" with kindness and skill. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:25: What do you mean by speaking from the heart? 3:00: What do we gain by speaking from the heart? 5:10: Speaking the positive as well as the negative. 6:20: The different dangers in speaking from the heart. 8:00: Establishing safety. 11:45: Being clear about our own facts. 15:30: What are the results you’re aiming for? 16:30: Talking about process. 21:20: Knowing your line in the sand. 22:30: Start by joining. 26:00: Leading with “I feel.” 28:15: Wise speech. 35:20: Continuing to practice empathy. 37:15: Nonviolent communication. 40:15: Honoring other people’s fundamental questions. 43:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Loka 201845min

Ep. 39: People Aren't Dependable. Now What?

Ep. 39: People Aren't Dependable. Now What?

We have a natural desire for a reliable world - but life happens, and no person or organization is perfectly dependable. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how we can learn to manage that natural undependability. If you'd like to learn more about Dr. Hanson's online program The Foundations of Well Being, follow this link! Use the code BEINGWELL10 for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 2:00: Our expectations of dependability. 5:00: The undependability of experience. 7:30: The inevitability of disappointment. 12:30: Centering amidst disappointment. 17:00: Seeing what IS dependable. 20:40: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Loka 201822min

Ep. 38: How to Keep Your Eyes On the Prize

Ep. 38: How to Keep Your Eyes On the Prize

It’s easy to spend more time dwelling on the faults of others than reflecting on the room for improvement in oneself. Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore how "unilateral virtue" helps us focus on our side of the street, and keep our eyes on the prize. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:10: Where does unilateral virtue come from? 3:15: Being virtuous without becoming a doormat. 7:20: Fulfilling expectations and creating a framework of trust. 12:20: Doing things out of the kindness of our heart. 14:50: How can we establish our personal code? 18:00: Ways to set and keep personal commitments. 20:10: The difference between inner and other directed. 24:00: Other tactics for maintaining unilateral virtue. 25:30: Staying calm during an irritating interaction. 29:00: Staying humble about how righteous you are. 31:35: Feeling “at choice.” 34:15: Recap. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Loka 201836min

Ep. 37: Become Kinder and More Compassionate

Ep. 37: Become Kinder and More Compassionate

One would think it would be obvious, but the importance of warming the heart, and developing greater compassion and kindness as personal traits, is often overlooked in our important relationships. Dr. Hanson draws on 35+ years of couples counseling experience to teach us how to do just that. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:45: The less obvious reasons to be compassionate and kind. 5:00: The difference between compassion and kindness. 9:00: Loving at will. 11:30: Ways we can increase our capacity for compassion and kindness. 14:00: Respecting the boundaries of others. 16:30: Compassion and kindness while maintaining clear boundaries. 18:10: The protection of warmheartedness. 19:35: The difference between doing a negative thing and receiving a negative response. 20:45: Being loving inside yourself. 21:35: Two equally valuable ways to be loving and kind. 22:40: Loving others helps heal our wounds around love. 24:15: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

24 Syys 201826min

Ep. 36: How to Become More Empathic

Ep. 36: How to Become More Empathic

One of the most important interpersonal skills is empathy, which allows us to tune into and understand other people. Dr. Hanson and Forrest continue their discussion on Intimacy by exploring how we can grow this key strength. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: Why do we need to be empathic in order to be intimate? 1:50: Where does empathy come from biologically? 5:15: Summary of the three ways we can show empathy. 5:50: Is empathy a trait that can be developed? 8:15: Sustaining your attention to other people. 10:35: Letting yourself be truly affected by another person. 12:30: Empathic joining vs. problem solving. 13:55: Having empathy for perspectives very different from your own. 18:45: Ways to have empathy in the moment. 20:00: Feeling felt. 21:20: Using empathy responsibly. 22:00: Empathic imagination. 24:15: How to avoid playing the psychologist. 26:00: Being aware of true intentions. 27:40: Managing tone and using empathy to communicate. 30:25: Finding me and we through empathy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

17 Syys 201835min

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