Rediscovering Your True Self: Parentification and the "Gifted Child"

Rediscovering Your True Self: Parentification and the "Gifted Child"

When a child is particularly emotionally intelligent, and a parent is particularly emotionally vulnerable, an inversion of the typical relationship can occur where the child devotes themselves to meeting the parent’s needs rather than the other way around. This can lead the child to lose touch with their own wants and needs – with their authentic self – which then leads to underlying feelings of worthlessness, uncertainty, and self-alienation in adulthood. Extreme versions of this pattern are known as parentification, but mild to moderate versions are surprisingly common. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can heal from the effects of these difficult early experiences and rediscover who we truly are. This material was completely eye-opening for me, and it’s one of my favorite episodes we've ever produced. Want to learn more? Check out Alice Miller’s classic book The Drama of the Gifted Child. Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:55: Distinction between parentification and the gifted child 5:05: Serving a psychological function - what is the “gift” we’re talking about? 7:50: Self-definition vs. defining yourself through relationship 10:30: Examples of generational patterns 16:45: Accumulation of subtle forms of parentification over time 21:55: Patterns of interaction, and differentiation 24:00: Summary of material so far 27:00: “The manic defense against depression” 30:30: What can people do? 35:00: Love, aspiration, and power in parenting styles 40:20: Creating a coherent (and balanced) narrative 43:30: Seductive narratives, grief not shame, claiming your nature 51:25: What emotions were you permitted? 53:35: Recap Wednesday Meditation Group: Join Rick for his freely offered online weekly meditation, talk, and discussion. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? Being Well listeners get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/WELL. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 3: How to Grow Self-Compassion

Ep. 3: How to Grow Self-Compassion

How we can use self-compassion to reduce rumination, feel safe while taking big risks, and improve our relationships with other people. Dr. Hanson and Forrest also explore what makes self-compassion different from self-pity or being on your own side. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:15: What are the benefits of self-compassion? 1:30: How is self-compassion different from "being on your own side"? 1:55: What's the difference between self-compassion and self-pity? 2:30: How can we be compassionate to ourselves without coming across like a complainer? 4:20: The fastest way to get people to stop talking AT you. 5:55: Using self-compassion to fight rumination 8:15: The function of rumination: avoiding a dreaded experience. 11:00: How to become more self-compassionate. 16:53: Summary and ending. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Tammi 201818min

Ep. 2: Being On Your Own Side

Ep. 2: Being On Your Own Side

Dr. Hanson focuses on the importance of self-compassion - and particularly on why it's important to get "on your own side" in order to create lasting, positive change in the brain. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Timestamps: 0:35: Why start with compassion? 2:10: Why it's important to be on your own side. 4:30: Why does being for yourself promote well-being? 5:45: The importance of coping. 7:30: How do we get better at being for ourselves? 11:15: How to be consistent AFTER inspiration passes. 17:05: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

16 Tammi 201819min

Ep. 1: Introducing Resilience

Ep. 1: Introducing Resilience

What does it mean to truly be Resilient? Dr. Hanson explains the importance of Resilience and HOW we can grow the most important strength for achieving reliable happiness.  Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Timestamps: 0:30: Why resilience is important 2:05: The HOW of growing key strengths 5:00: Dealing with challenges/What's in your backpack? 6:30: Resources, challenges, and vulnerabilites 7:40: Changing the brain for the better 9:45: How is this different from just "positive thinking"? 11:10: The negativity bias 13:45: The hopefulness of growing strengths Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Tammi 201815min

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