Repairing Self-Abandonment: Anxious Attachment, Healthy Boundaries, and Creating Strong Relationships

Repairing Self-Abandonment: Anxious Attachment, Healthy Boundaries, and Creating Strong Relationships

On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore self-abandonment, which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally. They cover where self-abandonment comes from, the psychological function it serves, and the relationship between self-abandonment and similar concepts like anxious attachment, low self-worth, and external referencing. You’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries, stop neglecting yourself, and become more secure from the inside out. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Common features of self-abandonment 12:30: Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen 16:05: Facing shame and self-criticism 21:00: Self-referencing vs. referencing ourselves in relation to others 33:10: The belief that safety feels more critical than authenticity 40:55: Our relationship to nature, and joining with the defense 50:55: Relationships, openness to change, and bringing parts into awareness 55:20: Cognitive restructuring, and redefining our self-abandoning beliefs 58:50: Recap Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. Start each day right with IQBAR’s bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Just text BEINGWELL to sixty-four thousand (64-000) and get an exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ep. 32: Use Passion Without Stress

Ep. 32: Use Passion Without Stress

Dr. Hanson and Forrest continue the strength of Motivation by exploring how we can use healthy passion without falling victim to unhealthy righteousness, anger, and stress. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:00: What’s the relationship between stress and passion? 3:50: Applying positive vs. negative emotion. 6:30: Why passion and “revving up” makes you vulnerable to stress. 11:30: Why can things BE great but FEEL wearing? 15:00: “Faking” passion, and the influence of culture. 17:20: Learning how to hit the gas, and then tap the brakes. 19:00: Four ways to stay in healthy passion. 27:50: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

20 Elo 201829min

Ep. 31: Motivation Without Attachment

Ep. 31: Motivation Without Attachment

On this episode, Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest begin the strength of Motivation with an episode that explores how we can pursue our goals with passion and purpose, without becoming painfully attached to them. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:20: Why are liking and wanting different? 4:45: What causes us to tip from liking into wanting? 8:25: If liking is good and wanting is bad, why is it so easy to tip into wanting? 12:30: Forrest’s experience with video games. 16:45: Addiction and moments of lucidity. 19:10: Identifying wanting through drivenness. 21:00: Things that pull us into wanting. 24:30: How can we stay in liking? 29:00: The danger of auto-wanting. 30:45: Delusional desire. 32:45: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13 Elo 201834min

Ep. 30: 7 Ways Past Anger

Ep. 30: 7 Ways Past Anger

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest conclude the strength of Calm with an episode dedicated to exploring seven ways we can work with anger skillfully. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:35: Understanding the costs of anger 3:05: Never speaking or acting from anger 6:15: Reducing the priming for our anger 7:00: Reacting in proportion 10:00: Avoiding the habit of irritability 14:20: The tendency of fault-finding 16:30: The pitfalls of various kinds of talent 18:10: The story of the two monks 21:30: Know our near-enemies 24:30: The biology of slowing down 29:50: Walking away from excessive righteousness 33:00: Moral outrage in society 37:20: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6 Elo 201840min

Ep. 29: Injustice and Anger

Ep. 29: Injustice and Anger

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest talk about managing one of our most difficult emotions: anger. Specifically, they focus on how we can distinguish between skillful and unskillful anger, particularly relating to issues of social justice. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:15: The physical costs of anger. 3:40: The interpersonal costs of anger. 5:15: How can we remove the costs of anger without turning into a doormat? 11:00: Finding the line between skillful and unskillful anger. 18:00: Using anger to find our deeper wants and needs. 19:45: What tends to lie under anger? 24:45: Tribal anger and social justice 29:50: The importance of saying “I’m sorry.” 31:50: Tribal leaders and the value of mobilizing anger. 33:55: Outraged vs. enraged 35:45: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

30 Heinä 201839min

Ep. 28: How to Feel Safe

Ep. 28: How to Feel Safe

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest discuss how we can fight back against fear and learn to feel safer. They explore ways to reduce anxiety, identify resources, and deal with the real challenges of life. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What causes fear? 2:30: Feeling reasonable safety. 7:15: Anxiety in the body. 9:00: Identifying the resources we have to fight threats. 12:30: How can we feel safer during REAL threats? 14:25: The importance of growing resting-state resources. 16:25: Three ways to deal with immediate threats. 20:00: Ways to approach the fear of truly dreadful things. 24:55: Reducing steady-state anxiety. 27:50: Dealing with anticipatory dread. 34:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

23 Heinä 201837min

Ep. 27: Avoiding Needless Fear

Ep. 27: Avoiding Needless Fear

Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest discuss how to manage and reduce a particular kind of fear: paper tiger paranoia. This fear is characterized by needless anxiety that comes from the brain’s creation of imaginary threats. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:00: What does “paper tiger paranoia” mean? 3:25: How do “tigers” appear in the modern day? 4:45: Why paper tigers crowd out real ones. 6:20: Hidden costs of paper tiger paranoia. 8:20: The insidiousness of fear. 11:00: Recognizing sources of needless anxiety. 17:45: Fighting back against fear. 20:30: Fear, agency, and acceptance. 23:30: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

16 Heinä 201826min

Ep. 26: Use Calm to Fight Stress

Ep. 26: Use Calm to Fight Stress

Dr. Hanson and Forrest begin a new series of episodes exploring the strength of Calm. Particularly, they focus on how we can learn to activate the calming wing of the nervous system to fight back against stress. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 1:30: Why is calm an important inner strength? 3:20: The dangers of being hijacked by fear. 7:05: The biological basis of calm. 11:05: Modern culture and the sympathetic nervous system. 12:30: Understanding your needs. 15:15: Developing a wide range of response. 17:20: The ease of being driven from the green zone. 19:20: Ways to calm down. 23:00: State calm vs. trait calm. 28:00: The importance of tranquility. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Heinä 201832min

Ep. 25: How to Feel "Like a Good Person"

Ep. 25: How to Feel "Like a Good Person"

It's often surprisingly hard to feel like a good person...even if we are one! Dr. Hanson and Forrest wrap up the strength of Confidence by exploring how we can authentically feel like a good person from the top-down and the bottom-up. If you'd like to start making real, positive changes to your brain and your life, but you don't have a lot of extra time, then you may want to check out Rick Hanson's new program: Just One Minute. Use the code BEINGWELL at checkout for 10% off the purchase price. Sponsor Message: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Connect with the show: Visit us on the web Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes The material in this podcast comes in large part from our book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book! Timestamps: 0:30: What is “feeling like a good person?” 3:00: Why is it hard to feel like a good person? 6:00: Comparing part of our lives to all of another’s. 7:00: Why is it good to feel like a good person? 11:00: Ways to grow the feeling of being a good person. 17:00: Top-down vs. bottom-up 20:00: Recap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Heinä 201822min

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