Who you think you are, who you are and who you want to be

Follow this link to get the download Zach Takes about during the podcast. https://www.zachspafford.com/podcast-freebie (https://www.zachspafford.com/podcast-freebie) Join us for this month's free webinar : https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/6615948536985/WN_mO3BbHAVQH-ja0W_oXUfJA who we think we are, Who we are and who we want to be. This week one of my clients was talking about his life and the choices he had made His story, the thing that he believed about his life was, “I didn’t have the courage to make a different choice” He wasn’t talking about pornography, he was talking about his career choices. He comes from a family where what his parent’s want for him is extremely important. His values make it so that deferring to them is part of his culture and his identity. He also wants to be successful. It is part of the fabric of his community that he needs to be able to provide for his family, be a pillar in his community and to give back. He actually chose to be a doctor. He is practicing medicine every day and questioning it, questioning his fellow doctors if this is what they really want to be doing and wondering if he can last. Now before you judge him and say, ‘well he’s a doctor, he has it great, why should he complain’ I want to take a moment to explore this thought that he has from the lens of these three ideas: Who we think we are Who we are And who we want to be. Let’s start by going back to the story he is telling himself. “I didn’t have the courage to make a different choice.’ This is the story of who he thinks he is. What does that thought mean? It means that he failed, that he wasn’t who he wanted to be, that he wasn’t even who he chose to be. It’s a story of a victim. A victim of circumstances someone who was pushed in a direction he never wanted to go but found himself there because of forces beyond his control and at the behest of others with no capacity to decide for himself and only responsibility for what he didn’t choose. Often when we look back at our lives, the story we tell ourselves is one of regret and disappointment. Things we didn’t do, things we shouldn’t have done, or things we wish we had. We might believe this perspective is objective, valid and helpful in driving us to greater heights, better outcomes, and more effective decision making. But take a look at how you feel when this is the story you tell yourself. Disappointment Most of us know what that feeling is like. Even if this isn’t the story you tell yourself, yours might be, “I wasn’t as go a missionary as I could have been.” Or “I should have overcome this problem sooner.” Whatever the story, ask yourself, is this version of my history helping me become the person that I want to be by creating the feelings that drive me to improve, focus and succeed. I can tell you how it worked for this client. His disappointment brought him to second guess himself, avoid his thoughts about his career and how he might change his life, tell himself that he stunk. He also treated others differently, he would second guess his friends choice of career, would be abrupt with his patients and be unfriendly and unengaged. This creates a world for him where not only did he not have the courage in the past, but he also doesn’t have the courage to do what he wants now. Keeping him a victim of his circumstances and beholden to the past, his perception of his family’s wants and his perceived inability to become the person he wants to be. I can tell you I have seen myself in this exact place. At one point when I was in my career I felt trapped and incapable of moving forward. I had to be someone I...