Choice Point To Overcome Pornography

Choice Point To Overcome Pornography

If you are ready to take your knowledge and understanding to the next level, join the Self Mastery Membership at zachspafford.com/workwithme Hey, everybody, and welcome to another beautiful mastery Monday here on the Self Mastery podcast. I'm your host, Zach Spafford. Listen, I got something for you guys. I'm here to help you overcome pornography. You guys know that right? I just want to let you know that there's some stuff that's gonna change. That's all. I'm not going to tell you what it is right now. But I'm going to tell you something a little bit later in this podcast. But these last few weeks have been a great deep dive into how you can really begin to move past pornography by not just focusing on pornography, but focusing on how you can become the person you want to be. By the way, I just want to thank all of you who have written in and said how much this has helped you. That's kind of awesome, actually, that you guys are like, hey, you know what, this changed my life. So thank you for sending that in to me. If you have a second, just take a moment and write a review that helps people find us and all of this great content, more than anything else you could do. You know, share it, obviously, with as many people as you can, but writing reviews helps people find this. So please do that. Many of you know that I am all about an evidence based approach to Overcoming Pornography. You've probably listened to my episode about how pornography is not an addiction and the book by Dr. Lance Dodes, you may know Cam Staley, who is a PhD researcher out of the University of Idaho, a really great guy, quite like him. You are probably thinking, okay, yes, we know that you like evidence. So not only do I have the evidence from my own journey that I've shared with you, one of the components of my coaching to Overcoming Pornography is based in Acceptance and Commitment coaching, I call it ACC, which comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Now, I'm not a therapist, but I have studied the techniques and processes and systems that have helped 1000s of men and women and their pornography struggle. And I've done it myself, like, this is not pie in the sky. This is not, hey, you know what, let me tell you a theory, and I will help you figure it out. That's not it. This is real life. This is my journey. You are like, Yeah, I need somebody who's been there. You know, I always talk about I have an MBA, and I've been in business for a long time, before I became a coach, I, I was an insurance and I loved it. And I did some other things that add some great, cool stuff. And I always think about, who's the guy that I would come to, who's the person that I would go to, if I needed help running my business. I would not even go to a Yale or a Harvard School Business School professor, I would go to a guy who's actually lived the process. Some of you guys know Gary Vee, cool guy, I listen to his stuff, I don't listen to a guy who works for Harvard. I don't, because I want to know what it looks like to actually be in the trenches. And that's why I use ACC. And the coaching that I do is based in both my real life experience and acceptance and commitment, coaching. And then Acceptance and Commitment coaching, there's a principle called the choice point. It is one of the key principles of ACC that I use in the membership, which has been closed now to members to new members for a little bit, a little while. But I will tell you this, this month, I'm launching a new platform that will make it so you can download a single app and get all the great content on your phone. So I'm looking forward to it. And when it's ready, I will open up the membership to anybody who wants to join. So keep an eye out for that. When I talk about choice point, though, I want to go back to choice point because that's really the point of what we're talking about. I want you to imagine a narrow, long...

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Agency and Addictive behaviors

Agency and Addictive behaviors

Agency is a really important part of everyday life. Many of us think of it as our freedom of choice and in a lot of ways that’s right. For individuals who believe they are addicted to some behavior or another the phrase, “I can’t stop” is a typical refrain. I find it interesting and powerful that the phrase “I can’t stop” is the one we use. True addiction seems to include some compulsion, but we don’t say, “my body makes me do x” or some other phrase that indicates the external forces driving us to the end result. In terms of the Gospel we often discuss how agency is an important part of our time here on Earth. To have agency we must have three key items: 1 – Knowledge of what is right and what is wrong 2 – Consequences for our actions 3 – The ability to choose our actions The knowledge of what is right and wrong is something that most of us have a grasp on. We usually know that certain behaviors are not good and that others are. Consequences for our actions can come in many forms. They may be natural consequences that come without any intervention, like our conscience holding us accountable to ourselves. They may also come from external sources, such as the anger a spouse may show because we have violated their trust. Both of these first two items usually occur without much difficulty. The third item on the list, the ability to choose, is the place where all the friction happens. Yes, obviously, making good decisions and making bad decisions is built into our freedom of choice. But where we are going wrong, especially when it comes to addictive behavior, is when we say, “I can’t”. I have a lot of kids and my least favorite phrase out of their mouths is “I can’t”. They say it when it comes to cleaning, they say it when it comes to calling people on the phone, they even say it when it comes to interacting with other people outside of their comfort zone. At that moment, they are abdicating their agency by abdicating their ability to choose. They are creating, within their minds a mental block over which they believe they have no power. They are creating a mental construct where they are not granted the capacity to choose to do or not do something but that they are at the mercy of external forces. Think about it, when your kid says “I can’t clean my room” and you threaten them with not being able to go out and play until it is done, even if they then clean the room they have not “chosen” it. It has been forced on them, in their mind at least. The same thing is happening with pornography use and other addictive behaviors. We say, “I can’t” because our lower brain is running a script that our higher brain, seems unable to interrupt without a great deal of will power. That is partly because what we have done is set a habit that our lower brain controls, by giving into urges that feed one of our primal brain’s three main goals. Those goals are to conserve energy, seek pleasure and avoid pain. Then, in a type of automatic assembly line, our lower brain gets set on a path that is well worn, starting with an urge. When we say, “I can’t stop”, our brain wants to be right. When we keep on the path of our addictive behavior, we begin to prove how right we are to our own brain. There is a lot of complicated science that bears this out in the field of epigenetics, but for the purpose of this article none of that really matters. What matters is taking back our agency. Agency is a tricky thing. When we choose habits and behaviors that have negative consequences there comes a whittling away of our agency. Like the kid who cannot choose to play because he chose to not clean his room. But when we choose habits and behaviors that have positive impact our consequences are just as direct but leave us with more choices. None of this is probably new to you. set up a free mini-session at zachspafford.com/workwithme

3 Loka 201913min

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