458: The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier

Michael Bungay Stanier: The Advice Trap

Michael Bungay Stanier is at the forefront of shaping how organizations around the world make being coach-like an essential leadership competency. His book The Coaching Habit* is the best-selling coaching book of this century, with over 700,000 copies sold and 1,000+ five-star reviews on Amazon.

He’s the author of the new book The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever*.

In this conversation, Michael and I discuss why advice is overrated and often displays poor leadership. Michael shows us how to avoid coaching ghosts and dealing with people who can’t stop talking. Plus, we explore how to keep people engaged in the conversation, become more coach-like, and qualify advice when the time is right to give it.

Key Points

Advice is overrated. Not advice itself. There’s a time and a place for good advice. The problem is the default habit of giving advice. -Michael Bungay Stanier

The Advice Trap: The more I give them advice, the more they want my advice.

Three reasons your advice doesn’t get results:

1. You’re solving the wrong challenge.
2. You’re proposing a mediocre solution.
3. You’re displaying poor leadership.

Avoid coaching the ghost (the person note present) and yarning (excessive conversation that isn’t leading anywhere productive).

To keep people engaged in the conversation, use the TERA principles:

• Tribe: Be on their side.
• Expectation: Show them the future.
• Rank: Raise them up.
• Autonomy: Give them the choice.

When you do give advice, consider diminishing it with:

• “Here’s my best guess…”
• “I may be wrong…”
• “This is just one idea/option/thought…”

Resources Mentioned

• The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever* by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever* by Michael Bungay Stanier
• MBS.works

Book Notes

Download my highlights from The Advice Trap in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

• The Way to Stop Rescuing People From Their Problems, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 284)
• How to Stop Having the Same Problems, with Corrinne Armour (episode 387)
• Leadership in the Midst of Chaos, with Jim Mattis (episode 440)
• How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet (episode 454)

Discover More

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.