Sex Gets Real 232: Fantasies of harm, book lists, & political pleasure

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course.

Listener questions on destroying a pussy, pleasure, and book lists.

Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed for the Supreme Court the day I recorded this, so we start there. Howard Zinn's op-ed from 2005 speaks loudly to where we are today. And I read Monica Raye Simpson's letter to SisterSong followers today because it is more eloquent than anything I could say.

"I have seen people talk about taking the country back, but as Black women we know this country and this government were never meant to serve or respect or protect us. We have to protect ourselves. And that is what we have always done and will continue to do." Monica Raye Simpson

PainJane wants to destroy her pussy. She wants to make it unusable, to be used as a beer coozy, to be fisted, to be destroyed. She's worried her partner will think it's disgusting or weird, so how can she tell her partner about this fantasy and maybe even act it out? I enlisted a bunch of other sex educators to help me answer this terrific question.

Sunny Megatron has some fantastic advice and lots of questions that can help PainJane and all of us investigate the "why" of our fantasies and the feelings of them that make it easier to talk to partners about our fantasies. Such good stuff.

Anonymous wrote in because she's super new to sex positivity. She's looking for books and blogs that can help her learn more about sexuality, sex positivity, and unpacking her evangelical roots. So, I'm putting together an official book list. Join the Sex Gets Real newsletter here to get that recommended book list from me in a few weeks.

Also, avoid educators and "experts" who position themselves as the expert in your body, your story, or sell One True Way to be sexual, woke, or kinky.

Kat loves the show and wants more access to the resources I mention.

Discouraged is struggling to find a hookup. She's a lesbian who wants to try kink, but every time she suggests meeting up with someone, they disappear. What gives? Is there a secret code word she doesn't know about?

Celia wants to know how pleasure is political. Oh boy. HOLD ON. We're going for a ride on my passionate soapbox. Everyone should start with reading Audre Lorde - any of her work around The Erotic is crucial. Afrosexology and Feminista Jones are also terrific resources.

This week's bonus is a very funny and sweet email about farting on a partner during sex. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out.

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

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