Calm Parenting Podcast17 Huhti 2022

Have A Relentless Arguer? Use This Script.

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Abbreviated Transcript

Do you have a relentless arguer? A kid who always has to prove his point, so relentless that he ends up yelling, being disrespectful, and getting in trouble because he just can’t stop?

Most of our discipline is more about our own frustration and threatening consequences, but it never changes anything. Instead, look at these situations as opportunities to teach your child new skills and build a closer relationship.

So let’s say your child demands that you take him somewhere. “That’s not happening this afternoon” or a simple, “No” said in an even tone is much better than trying to explain yourself or convince your child why you are right.

But your child doesn’t take no for an answer (great quality for a salesperson!). So he’s going to come after you. You’ll go to your bedroom, double lock the door, and he’ll climb through the second floor window because he’s persistent! So let’s use this as an opportunity.

“Son, I have seen this movie scene unfold in our home 63 times this month. When I say no, you are persistent and argue using your great critical thinking skills. But the scene always ends with you saying disrespectful things, losing your video game time, and in tears. So here are your two options now:

1) “You may continue arguing, but it’s not going to end the way you want. But here’s another option you may like better.

2) “I admire your persistence and critical thinking skills. Those qualities will serve you well in life, and especially in sales. I also know you have a big heart and you love making money. So here’s a way that you can rewrite the ending to this movie scene.

“I need to go get started on dinner/laundry. When you’re ready, if you come join me (creates movement and space, with an invitation to problem solve), I bet we can brainstorm three different ways for you to earn money in this neighborhood. That way, you get to use all your great qualities to earn money, pay for your own games, and even donate some money to charity. Give that some thought.”

This gives your child time to think and process the disappointment, but it also gives him an out, another option that he has some ownership/control of.

There's no berating the child: "Why do you ALWAYS argue about everything? Why aren’t you EVER grateful?" Those are words of frustration from parents that solve nothing and shame the child. That has become your pattern or habit: child messes up, you yell or give consequences.

But now you are now TEACHING instead of SHAMING, showing your child another way, seeing the good traits in the midst of meltdowns.

THIS will become your new habit, your new pattern. As you listen to the Get Everything Package on the new app, THIS will become your new automatic response. You’ll break those old negative reactions and begin responding in a way that builds your child’s confidence AND your relationship.

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