Episode 349: My Girlfriend, The Computer

OooooOOOOOoooooOOO! I'm the Ghost of Spencer Gifts! I'm rattling some glow in the dark plastic chains, and rubbing a hard plastic "personal back massager" very inexpertly onto the attic floor! I've been cursed to walk this low traffic corner of the local mall for 100 years as punishment for stealing a KoRn poster in 1998! I died when I swallowed some of the goop inside the display-only lava lamps. Alright that was fun. On today's show we've got the best food bowl for your Pampered Pet, a game for people who can laugh at plumber's butt cracks (everyone???), and a coat to protect us from negative energies. Finally! Now if you will excuse me, I have a plastic cup with a pot leaf and the phrase "Dealer's Choice" on it to knock off the top shelf. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.Today's show is sponsored by Oxygen. Sick of all the fees and crapola you get from the classic big banks? I actually really am. One of them I'm using has a super messed up app. I had to use the iPad version and zoom in on the text box while pressing one key at a time to sign in. Very annoying! And I didn't get any rewards for doing it! Well Oxygen is different. You get the good app, you get the rewards at the store, the gas station, and food delivery, and you get virtual debit cards as well. Now that's nice. Download the Oxygen app on the App Store or Google Play, drop in two hundred bucks, and get $25 back. There's no such thing as a free lunch? Well there is now! Also sponsoring today's show: our friends at BetterHelp. For a secure, online, private, and professional counseling experience, you ain't gonna do any better than these guys. BetterHelp is affordable as all get out, and they have financial aid available to boot. Best of all, no uncomfortable waiting rooms! We hate waiting rooms don't we, gang? Well if you want to show your support of banning waiting rooms across America, check out BetterHelp today. Get 10% off your first month of anytime counseling at BetterHelp.com/yks. This week on YKS Premium: Bloody Marys with Tim Kalpakis! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

15 Maalis 20211h 39min

Today on the program we're figuring out what type of sitcom can never be "canceled" (one that's never made), the reason Magic: The Gathering cards aren't treated the same as gold and other precious metals (because they're dorky little cards) and why it's so darn cheap to go on vacation to world class resorts (they're fake). And so much more they won't even let me write it in this damn descripsht! Tough word to abbreviate there but I did my best. And that's all anyone can ask of me, forever and ever! Bye bye!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.YKS is sponsored by the fine folks at Manscaped. Oh my lord, it's March Manness already? Who ya got in your bracket? I think Joe Biden's gonna go All The Way! Alright enough bullcrap. Check out Manscaped.com and use promo code YKS at check out to snag 20% off and free shipping. I tell you what, you might think I'm bullshitting you but I got the Manscaped cologne and it's better the cologne I was using before. They did a good job with it. You're gonna like the way you smell, I guarantee it. And ya can't forget about HelloFresh. Seriously, I can't! Believe me, I've tried. They're stuck in my dang head all day long. When am I gonna get another box of precisely-portioned, healthy and delicious ingredients dropped on my doorstep? Best thing for me to do would probably be to go to HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks12 and use code yourkickstartersucks12 to get 12 free meals and free shipping. They make good food! And check out the YKS Premium Patreon please. Thank you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

9 Maalis 20211h 40min

We've all been there. Sitting around in our early-30s (or late-30s, depending on which guy it is), trying to decide if we're going to be James Bond or Ross from Friends. Some of us are still deciding! And it's ok to take lots and lots of time to do that. I really believe this! On today's show, Jesse gets electrocuted through the computer screen, Mike abandons a bit, and there's an absolutely wild, you-have-to-hear-it LIVE scramble to turn the 5-pack into the 6-pack we all know and love. Plus we got fake doctors, fake soundbars, fake COVID-19 cures.....and TWINS!! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.YKS is sponsored by people like you. Wow! Remember that old PBS ad they used to have on TV? Well, we are exactly the same as PBS. Support the show by checking out the YKS Premium Patreon, where we just finished up the roller coaster ride that was Jessuary and are running headfirst into Normal March. $5 a month gets ya a shitload of ad free episodes and onto the YKS Pisscord. Another $3 gets ya a 5th ep and much more. Check it out, and thanks for supporting the independent journalism of the YKS family of brands. "YKS, It's PBS." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

1 Maalis 20211h 22min

Ohhhh folks! It's another episode of YKS. They keep doing these things so hopefully you'll keep listening to 'em. On today's show, we are in our Juice Groove trying to figure out what's the deal with cutting boards Jerry Seinfeld voice, enjoying objects d'art instead of watching the Idiot Box, and celebrating our Queen Nancy Pelosi with a bizarre gift that not even that nasty old wretch could enjoy. I figure, hey, unless you're a big time surgeon slicing people open and putting all kinds of stuff in there, you can probably listen to the show while you work. And you know, honestly, even those guys gotta take smoke breaks sometimes so get them in here too. It's fun for the whole family (minus the kids, grandparents, most parents, people who like church, board game guys, crypto currency investors, and the normal serotonin having crew. So basically just for dogs.) It's YKS: The Show For Dogs. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.YKS is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to BetterHelp.com/YKS to see why 1,500,000 people are going on there to get professional counseling services. Hey I'll save you some time. One reason is they don't have those stinking magazines you get at the in-person counseling office. Yuck! Who wants to read that junk? Not me. I'll stick to never reading anything for basically my entire adult life, thank you very much. It's 10% off at BetterHelp.com/YKS, so that's basically where I'd go if I were you. And we're also brought to you by the folks over at HelloFresh. Let me tell you something about HelloFresh, brother. There ain't no better way to get simple, fresh meal kits delivered to your house. Oh, and it's good for the environment, oh and it's healthy, oh and...and..and...somebody stop me, I'm going crazy for HelloFresh! Anyhow the food is good, and you know because I ate it (I only eat good food). Give 'em a whirl at HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks10 and use the promo code yourkickstartersucks10 for 10 free meals and free shipping.Last but not least, folks, we've got the YKS Premium Patreon feed. If you've ever wanted to get on there and see what happens when Mike and JF let their hair down, there's no better time to do it than right now. We're getting close to the thrilling conclusion of Jessuary 2021, an event unlike any other. Come and see what the likes of Jon Gabrus, Sarah Squirm, and renowned pilot hero Sully Sullenberger have to say about some of Jesse's favorite dumb guy flicks.**Certain guests cut for time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

22 Helmi 20211h 44min

All the characters from all the different works of literature come together with everything for a HUGE MOVIE! We're joined by one of the only guys on the planet who loves ridiculous movies as much as JF does, Jon Gabrus, to discuss when podcast guys are your actual friends, not reading too many books ever, and how bad it feels when some guy builds 8 boats if all you ever built was 1 boat. Check out Gabrus's pod Action Boyz at https://www.patreon.com/ActionBoyz Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.YKS is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to BetterHelp.com/YKS to find a professional, affordable counselor you can talk to over the computer. 1.5M people are already on there talking to counselors on the computer. Hell if you put that on TV it'd be some high ratings. Obviously they aren't going to do that, due to it would violate privacy. TV is kind of bad now anyway. I'm over it! And if you liked this episode of Jessuary, we've got even more available on the YKS Premium Patreon. This Friday, Sarah Squirm returns to review the Jeff Bridges/Ryan Reynolds dead buddy dead-em-up, R.I.P.D.! Here's a preview: Sarah hated it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

15 Helmi 20211h 34min

Truth, Dare, or Spoon! Oh my god, I guess I'll go with SPOON! Hahaha. Oh sick there's mayonnaise in here...Yuckeroo! I can't wait til my 39th birthday tomorrow haha. That's just one writer's guess at what's going on in the living rooms and dens of annoying glasses wearing guys around the country. Also on today's show we've got the debut of 3 new characters: Mr. Food, Flip Flop Farrar, and The Michael Jordan of Coins. Probably couldn't find that many characters in Kanji, the adopted logographic Chinese characters that are used in the Japanese writing system. We also have an update on a stupid fuckin thing that squirts goo into your banana. So that's something to look forward to. Alright I'll see ya in there gang. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.This week, YKS is sponsored by Hello Fresh. This is the place ya wanna go if ya want fresh, easy meals delivered to your door. All you have to do is say, "Hello!" Try em out with the Official YKS Discount at HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks10 and use the promo code yourkickstartersucks10 to get 10 free meals and free shipping! Oh baby! Taste the flavors!We're also brought to you by Manscaped. Now, the Lawnmower 3.0 is what the whole world is talking about, but they sent us some of their cologne and it's actually crazy good. It smells like cologne, you know, I don't know what the scent is. But I put it on and walk around my house knowing that I smell pretty decent. That's about all you can ask for from a cologne, I think. Not gonna fix the whole world but got a good sniff to it. Anyway when you go over there use promo code YKS please -- this helps the show out and it also helps out your groin area!Jessuary continues over at the YKS Premium Patreon: this week, don't "Fuggedaboutit!" cause we've got a great episode. Chris James, Rob Whisman, and Stefan Heck are on to discuss Frank D'Angelo's 125-minute long card-playing drama Sicilian Vampire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Helmi 20211h 29min

Covid-19 sucks so bad....I really want to put my crap on it. No, I'm serious. I want to wipe my butt with Covid-19!! Yeah!! I'm going to do this. I think I'll do it. And I'll tell other people to help me do it...to put my butt on Covid-19. Sick of this guy! We presume that is the thought process responsible for bringing "Fuck Covid Toilet Paper" to the world, but hell I don't know, I just read the stuff. I barely wipe my ass with any of the products we make fun of on here. Anyway also this week we have a new thing to make video chatting even more lame and annoying, an app for stopping fake restaurant reviews with the power of QR codes, and a way to keep hold of the GOD damn remote, which should be in the same spot every time. Why the fuck is it over there! Fuck! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.It's a big week, and I mean a BIG WEEK on the YKS Premium Patreon, folks! It's the start of Jesseuary Year 2, and we're kicking it off with a big, destructive monster who, despite his frightening outward appearance, is actually a gentle giant whom I love very much. I'm talking about Godzilla. Makes sense. And the guest is our friend Dan O'Sullivan who, come to think of it, I'm quite fond of as well. Join us for this kickoff mega episode on 2019's King of the Monsters and stick around all month long for some more great Jesse Movies and guests. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

1 Helmi 20211h 19min

Oh, you know we're buzzin! It's YKS baby! On today's show we've got the first-ever DOUBLE update on an old Kickstarter...some crap from the past, but twice! And of course the new crop of crap is here as well, on a big silver platter on a white linen covered table with wheels like you get in the fancy hotels. Oh boy I hope there's one packet of catsup and a very small container of too-hard butter in there. Either way it's going to be worth at least $95. Even if all that's there is a billboard yelling at DC politicians (in St Louis), an Inception-like look at the sovereign citizen movement, and a penis mobile. Plus a couple of emails, some voicemails, and about an hour of two guys goin "Now what in the darn heck is this!" Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Exec Producer PBostrom.The YKS Premium Patreon is litty!!!! That doesn't feel good to type that, so you gotta know how much it really is popping off over there. This week, we're heading back to What The Fund World to find out what the hell is going on with all the crap we've bought on Kickstarter recently, and to figure out what kind of crap we need to buy in the future (not good!) And next month we're kicking off Jesseuary, with a slate of great guests and stupid ass movies only a Jesse could love. And there's only one place to hear it...say it with me now! The littiest place on Earth! YKS Premium! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

25 Tammi 20211h 32min