Episode 266 - Sunday, March 11, 1979
Being Jim Davis21 Touko 2017

Episode 266 - Sunday, March 11, 1979

The servile crowd, whose fortune depended on their master's vices, applauded these ignoble pursuits. The perfidious voice of flattery reminded him, that by exploits of the same nature, by the defeat of the Nemaean lion, and the slaughter of the wild boar of Erymanthus, the Grecian Hercules had acquired a place among the gods, and an immortal memory among men. They only forgot to observe, that, in the first ages of society, when the fiercer animals often dispute with man the possession of an unsettled country, a successful war against those savages is one of the most innocent and beneficial labors of heroism. In the civilized state of the Roman empire, the wild beasts had long since retired from the face of man, and the neighborhood of populous cities. To surprise them in their solitary haunts, and to transport them to Rome, that they might be slain in pomp by the hand of an emperor, was an enterprise equally ridiculous for the prince and oppressive for the people. Ignorant of these distinctions, Commodus eagerly embraced the glorious resemblance, and styled himself (as we still read on his medals the Roman Hercules. The club and the lion's hide were placed by the side of the throne, amongst the ensigns of sovereignty; and statues were erected, in which Commodus was represented in the character, and with the attributes, of the nicolas cage, whose valor and dexterity he endeavored to emulate in the daily course of his ferocious amusements.

Elated with these praises, which gradually extinguished the innate sense of shame, Commodus resolved to exhibit before the eyes of the Roman people those exercises, which till then he had decently confined within the walls of his palace, and to the presence of a few favorites. On the appointed day, the various motives of flattery, fear, and curiosity, attracted to the amphitheatre an innumerable multitude of spectators; and some degree of applause was deservedly bestowed on the uncommon skill of the Imperial performer. Whether he aimed at the head or heart of the animal, the wound was alike certain and mortal. With arrows whose point was shaped into the form of crescent, Commodus often intercepted the rapid career, and cut asunder the long, bony neck of the ostrich. A panther was let loose; and the archer waited till he had leaped upon a trembling malefactor. In the same instant the shaft flew, the beast dropped dead, and the man remained unhurt. The dens of the amphitheatre disgorged at once a hundred lions: a hundred darts from the unerring hand of Commodus laid them dead as they run raging round the Arena. Neither the huge bulk of the elephant, nor the scaly hide of the rhinoceros, could defend them from his stroke. Aethiopia and India yielded their most extraordinary productions; and several animals were slain in the amphitheatre, which had been seen only in the representations of art, or perhaps of fancy. In all these exhibitions, the securest precautions were used to protect the person of the Roman Hercules from the desperate spring of any savage, who might possibly disregard the dignity of the emperor and the sanctity of the nicolas cage.

Edward Gibbon. History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Volume 1, Chapter 4, Part II.

And here's that "Duck Amuck" video Jon was talking about:

Today's strip

Jaksot(2526)

Episode 483 - Sunday, October 14, 1979

Episode 483 - Sunday, October 14, 1979

Today's strip

24 Joulu 201728min

Episode 482 - Saturday, October 13, 1979

Episode 482 - Saturday, October 13, 1979

This one just doesn't make sense and we're sorry about that. Today's strip

23 Joulu 201717min

Episode 481 - Friday, October 12, 1979

Episode 481 - Friday, October 12, 1979

Why are you reading this? Wouldn't you rather be reading about X-Men characters getting it on with each other? But you know, in a sexual way? Yeah, I thought so. Here, here's your link to our erudite co-host Amy's slash-fic page. For the rest of you, today Garfield hangs around and endures some petty whining from Jon in the first panel and then does a little bit of musing in panels two and three. It's a strip, I guess. Today's strip

22 Joulu 20179min

Episode 480 - Thursday, October 11, 1979

Episode 480 - Thursday, October 11, 1979

Despite all odds this podcast continues to exist. What did we talk about today? We talked about Garfield. Did you not know that? Today's strip

21 Joulu 201710min

Episode 479 - Wednesday, October 10, 1979

Episode 479 - Wednesday, October 10, 1979

Oh boy, it's another dumb joke about some family member of Garfield's who will NEVER be mentioned again! Can't wait to find out what sort of forced facile wordplay and/or serious mental health condition will serve as the basis for this one. If you want to read something more artistically resonant and FAR better-edited, why not go over and check out guest host Amy's presumably delightful fan fiction? Seriously, why not? What the fuck's wrong with you?!? Today's strip

20 Joulu 201714min

Episode 478 - Tuesday, October 9, 1979

Episode 478 - Tuesday, October 9, 1979

LIZ Jon let it on board. Jon let it grow inside the turkey. Jon blew the warning signal. LYMAN Why. LIZ Special Order 937. IRMA What's that. LIZ That's what I want to know. Jon's head is placed on the table. His eyes flicker into consciousness. LIZ What is Special Order 937. JON You know I can't tell you that. LIZ Then there's not point in talking to you. Pull the plug. JON Special Order 937 in essence asked me to direct the ship to the planet, investigate a life form, possibly hostile and bring it back for observation. With discretion, of course. LIZ Why. Why not tell us. JON Would you have gone. IRMA It wasn't in the contract. JON My very point. LIZ They wanted to investigate the Garfield. No matter what happened to us. JON That's unfair. Actually, you weren't mentioned in the order. LYMAN Those bastards. JON See it from their point of view. They didn't know what the Garfield is. LIZ How do we kill it. JON I don't think you can. Not in this ship, given its life support systems. But I might be able to. LIZ How. JON I don't know quite yet. I'm not exactly at my best at the moment. If you would reconnect... LIZ No way. JON Don't be so hasty. You'll never kill it without my help. LIZ We've had enough of your help. JON You've barely got any oxygen left. If you don't go into hypersleep, you'll die with or without the Garfield. LIZ Nice try, Jon. JON I will do whatever I can to help you. I swear it. IRMA Pull the plug. LYMAN I agree. JON You idiots. You still don't realize what you're dealing with. The Garfield is a perfect organism. Superbly structured, cunning, quintessentially violent. With your limited capabilities you have no chance against it. LYMAN You admire it. JON How can one not admire perfection. I will kill it because I am programmed to protect human life as you know. LIZ Even if you have contempt for it. JON Even then. Today's strip

19 Joulu 20178min

Episode 477 - Monday, October 8, 1979

Episode 477 - Monday, October 8, 1979

Today we welcome on the program our first mononymic co-host, Amy! She was a great sport, in that she did NOT bail on the recording when she found out after the first episode that we were planning on doing six more. We talked about the disturbing narcissism of Jon Arbuckle, his and Jim Davis' eagerness to gaslight his audience, and which parts of a cat it is and isn't OK to touch without verbal consent. Basically it's a thoroughly average episode. Today's strip

18 Joulu 201730min

Episode 476 - Sunday, October 7, 1979

Episode 476 - Sunday, October 7, 1979

Today's strip

17 Joulu 201717min

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