S02 E07 | Freaky Friday Night Football, Fake Shakes and The Horror Tackle

Hey guess what? It's Footballlllllaaaaaaaaaand! The world's first football theme park is *really* taking shape now. Can you believe we've gone and created another three rides? Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland and if you'd like a bit of extra special treatment sign up to our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland

The Horror Tackles

Remember those little fish that bit off all your dead skin in shopping centres in the mid 2000s? Well, it's that, but it's the genetically modified penises of players that have performed career ending challenges. Sorry? What? Yeah. So, we get your Roy Keanes, your Ben Thatchers, your Martin Taylors of this world, we pay scientists to graft tiny teeth on their members, and then we let them nibble on your feet in a fishtank. Oh and hi new listeners to Footballland!

Freaky Friday Night Football

Have you ever wanted to swap bodies with a footballer? Well, we at Footballland are offering you that chance! Our scientists (who we paid to put penises on footballers' willies) will swap your brain with a footballer of your choice, so that you can walk around the park inside them while they look after your partner and children for the day. It sounds fantastic, but which footballer would you choose?

Fake Shakes

So many public figures' reputations were destroyed by the News Of The World's so-called Fake Sheik in the 90s/00s, and it's about time the public had a go! With Fake Shakes, you too could be secretly filmed agreeing to shady and career-threatening business deals while waiting for a cool, delicious milkshake!

As ever, send us your ideas. We'll discuss each and every one.

Footballland Explained:

Having accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison and Ryan Baxter are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football themed theme park rides in the history of football themed theme parks.

Anthony Richardson - CEO of Footballland

Mark Davison - Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter - Intern

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