S9 Ep. 3: Does Hooking Up on a Dating App Mean You Must Have Sex, Why Are My Dreams Making Me Furious with My Husband, and Can You Reset a Sexual Fantasy?

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) I’m 40 and out here dating men again after an amicable divorce. I’ve been using dating apps and hooked up with two guys using them. I ended up having sex with both men, even though I didn’t really want to. I’m not quite sure how the dating apps work: are you obliged to have sex if you meet up with someone through them? Should I tell the guy beforehand that I might not be up for sex and just want to hang out? In both cases, it felt like sex was what we were both meeting up for and I went through with it because I didn’t want to look stupid—like I didn’t know the score. It felt kind of rude not to. I didn’t feel great afterward, and I don’t want a repeat but I do know I probably need to use the apps to meet someone. Help! What are the rules?

2) I have a weird, disturbing sexual fantasy that I play in my head to make me orgasm when I masturbate. It never fails to get me going—but I hate that it does. Is it possible to reset your sexual fantasies? I don’t understand why something that repulses me when I’m not turned on, arouses me sexually?

3) For the last few weeks, I’ve been having dreams about my husband being unfaithful. They’re so powerful and real, I wake up feeling hurt and furious with him. Even when I realize it’s just a dream, the anger and resentment stays. It hovers for days at a time. He’s never been unfaithful in real life, but these dreams persist. I wonder if it’s my subconscious telling me something. Should I be worried he really is about to cheat? I haven’t mentioned anything to him yet because it seems silly, but he’s noticed that I’m a bit off with him.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

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