Ways in Which Abuse Changes You

Ways in Which Abuse Changes You

Claudia Pahls hosts a round table with Deborah Hackworth, Ellen Higgins and Rose Ludwick to discuss some of the ways abuse like domestic violence changes victims and survivors.

Here are some ways in which people can feel like their lives have changed after experiencing abuse and domestic violence and how to go about them:

  • Feeling easily overwhelmed, anxious irritated or crying without explanation: Places you used to love are now dull or noisy, and people whose company you used to enjoy are now irritating. That’s because after surviving an abusive situation, many people tend to find respite by isolating themselves from the world or the activities that were once meaningful to them. We know that although this might be a temporary fix, being reclusive is not a long-term solution because human beings are social creatures that need interaction with other people. If you notice that you start feeling overwhelmed or anxious around new people or in social situations after experiencing abuse, it may help to practice some self-care: try retreating to a quiet space where you can gather your thoughts and collect yourself. Try techniques such as breathing exercises that can help you calm down or practice some mindfulness! Observing the outside world, acknowledging that you are safe and that the abuse is in the past (where it belongs) can help you feel back to normal and at peace with yourself and with those around you.
  • Distrusting people in general or being uncomfortable if left alone with someone of the opposite sex: We hear from many of our contacts that after being in an abusive relationship they have a hard time building connections with other people and that trust (or lack thereof) becomes an issue. We’ve also heard from women callers, for example, that tell us how uncomfortable they feel if they find themselves in situations where they are surrounded by just men (think a random elevator stop, strangers sitting in a waiting room or meeting new coworkers or people at a party). If you find yourself being wary of others’ intentions toward you, know that you are not alone and what you feel is a completely normal reaction after surviving trauma. After all, you probably wouldn’t want to experience those feelings ever again! Remember to take it one day at the time. As your heart heals so will your ability to trust others. Don’t forget to be kind and patient with yourself while you become used to learning how to trust again.
  • Flashbacks of the abuse: Many people who have experienced domestic violence report having flashbacks of the abuse they’ve endured. These flashbacks are triggered by no apparent reason and can feel very vivid and realistic, making the survivor relive the pain experienced from the abusive situation, which can leave you feeling confused, isolated and like there’s something wrong with your head. Flashbacks or recurring memories are a symptom of PTSD, which is a mental and physical reaction to a traumatic event. We know that many survivors of abuse experience Complex PTSD because of the repetitive nature of intimate partner violence. Not all treatments for PTSD work the same for everyone, so you might have to try a few different things to see what works best for you. According to Psychology Today, there are several medical treatments such as medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing to treat PTSD. Other practices such as meditation, yoga, mindfulness, positive affirmations, breathing exercises and maintaining a healthy lifestyle can also do wonders when trying to recover from an abusive relationship.
  • Ruminating words, thoughts and events: Rumination is when you become fixated over a word, problem or event and play it in a continuous loop over and over in your head. When people ruminate the words said by an abusive partner or replay the mental images about the distress they suffered, they can become agitated, hopeless and depressed—which is a complete disservice to their own healing process. If you feel like ruminating, make sure to stop yourself in your tracks. Go for a walk, call a friend or do an activity that completely interferes with the urge to mentally repeat the offending words or events. It takes practice to stop ruminating, but remember to be patient and gentle with yourself. If you are able to stop ruminating words and problems, you may feel less anxious, worried and more open to healing the wounds left by the abuse and domestic violence.

These are just some of the ways abuse and domestic violence can change a person, and as you can see, many of these changes are rooted in fear. And that is to be expected. Experiencing and surviving abuse can have such a profound impact on a person’s mind, body and soul. But there’s something quite unique about being broken: you are strong, resilient and one of a kind. (source)

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

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How Do We Help Families Impacted by Domestic Violence? - with Dr. Barbara Howes in Cass County

How Do We Help Families Impacted by Domestic Violence? - with Dr. Barbara Howes in Cass County

Michigan’s problem-solving courts have been extraordinarily successful in solving problems and saving lives, thanks in large part to Dr. Barbara Howes. These innovative courts reach 97 percent of our state’s population and help to make communities statewide safer and stronger. Also called treatment courts, they are successful because participants can access treatment and other support needed to address underlying issues affecting persons entering the criminal justice and abuse neglect court systems, specifically, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, mental illness, and untreated trauma. Unlike traditional courts, problem-solving courts are not adversarial and take a team approach that brings community stakeholders together to reach a “win-win” outcome that prevents further offenses and saves local governments the cost of incarceration. The Cass County Courts have been on the forefront of the problem-solving/treatment court movement and have obtained numerous federal and state grants to provide much-needed services to our Cass County community. Cass County’s full continuum of problem-solving courts focuses on providing evidence-based responses that work to improve outcomes, restore families, and make our communities safer. Links: Specialty court coordinators share success of program ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

17 Helmi 202134min

Why Couple's Counseling Can Be Dangerous for Victims of Domestic Abuse

Why Couple's Counseling Can Be Dangerous for Victims of Domestic Abuse

Valentine's Day: The day "we" celebrate couples. But love isn't always pink hearts, roses and candy. Couple's counseling can help when things aren't right. But what about when you're in an abusive relationship? Can couple's counseling help? Listen to this conversation with DASAS therapist Elizabeth Alderson on why couple's counseling can actually be a problem if the relationship is abusive. Resources: National Domestic Violence Hotline: Should I Go To Couples Therapy With My Abusive Partner? ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

10 Helmi 202134min

International Efforts to Stop Human Trafficking with Hope for Justice

International Efforts to Stop Human Trafficking with Hope for Justice

Hope for Justice exists to bring an end to modern slavery by preventing exploitation, rescuing victims, restoring lives and reforming society. On this episode, Richard Shoeberl, US Investigations Team Leader, joins Dan to explore the mission to prevent, rescue, restore and reform in the face of the global epidemic of slavery and human trafficking. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

27 Tammi 202142min

Local Efforts to Stop Human Trafficking with the Kalamazoo Area Anti-Human Trafficking Coalition

Local Efforts to Stop Human Trafficking with the Kalamazoo Area Anti-Human Trafficking Coalition

The Kalamazoo Area Anti-Human Trafficking Coalition was formed in 2012. The group is a community member organization that comes together to raise awareness and advocate for services in the Kalamazoo area. They're a recognized regional task force under the Michigan Human Trafficking Task Force. Founder Sara Morley-LaCroix joins Dan Moyle in this second installment of our special series on National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month to discuss this local effort to bring awareness and prevention to an epidemic affecting so many. Links:   Kalamazoo Area Anti-Human Trafficking Coalition   ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

20 Tammi 202134min

Keeping Our Kids Safe on Social with Bark Technology and Titania Jordan

Keeping Our Kids Safe on Social with Bark Technology and Titania Jordan

This is the first in a 3-part special series for National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month. We kick off our series with Keeping Our Kids Safe on Social with Bark Technology and Titania Jordan. Titania Jordan is the CMO and Chief Parent Officer of Bark.us, an internet safety solution that helps parents and schools keep children safer across social media, text messaging, and email. In this episode, we hear what parents can do to help monitor their children's safety and help to protect them from predators using the internet to groom them for abuse. Resources mentioned in this episode: Bark Technologies Children Rescue Coalition Titania's book Parenting in a Tech World: A handbook for raising kids in the digital age Bark's Stone Fish short documentary ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

13 Tammi 202134min

How Friend of the Court Helps Families - and Survivors

How Friend of the Court Helps Families - and Survivors

In many states, Friend of the Court has a negative reputation. They're seen as a faceless organization with no compassion. In Cass County Michigan, the Director and Deputy, and the rest of the staff, make it their mission to serve and empower families to make children's lives better. In this episode, Dan and Krista are joined by Friend of the Court Cass County Director Carol Bealor and Deputy Friend of the Court Cass County Sarah Mathews to open the conversation about how FOC helps families. Learn what resources are available, how FOC helps those in abusive relationships and hear how the humans behind the scenes care about their community. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

6 Tammi 202134min

Why a 30-Day Shelter Isn't Realistic for Victims of Abuse

Why a 30-Day Shelter Isn't Realistic for Victims of Abuse

Historically, shelters for victims of abuse were limited to 30 days. However, most of the time when a survivor is transitioning from an abusive home into their own home, it takes longer to make all of the necessary changes. At DASAS, while we work to keep our clients' stays as temporary as possible so they can find their own paths (survivor-led recovery is vital to our mission), we are no longer limited to 30 days. Our DASAS panel discusses the history of the 30-day shelter and what recovery looks like today. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

30 Joulu 202025min

Surviving Abuse During the Holidays - Do the Holidays Make Abuse Worse?

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In this episode, we unpack how the holidays can impact abuse with DASAS therapist Elizabeth Alderson. Resources: Domestic Violence and the Holidays: A Survivor’s Guide The Myth of Holiday Domestic Violence FAQ: Does domestic violence increase during the holidays? Pass the potatoes — and stop talking down to your wife. What to do if you spot signs of domestic abuse at your family’s holiday gathering. ——————————— If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

23 Joulu 202036min

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