Embracing Perfectionism with Katherine Morgan Schafler

We're all searching for fulfillment in one way or another. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson discuss how we can find and maintain it, and if it's truly possible to be fulfilled all the time. We're exploring how we can relate to our low moments amidst a "good vibes only" culture, what gets in the way of fulfillment, and the importance of respecting individual differences in nature.  Here's the video about fulfillment on Forrest's channel that we refer to during the episode. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:45: Fulfillment: “Climate” rather than “weather.” 3:20: Context for the episode: Forrest’s video.  5:00: Authentic fulfillment in the self-help space. 9:15: The tyranny of low expectations. 13:20: Eudaimonic and hedonic wellbeing. 15:30: Pitfalls of chasing fulfillment. 17:40: The importance of nature, individual variation, and circumstance. 27:00: What are the upper reaches of possibility? 29:50: Dealing with “low fulfillment” moments. 38:30: What tends to lead to fulfillment…and dealing with existential dread. 43:30: Finding meaning amidst meaninglessness.  48:05: Recap From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Just One Thing: Dr. Rick Hanson offers 3 free, regular newsletters with a variety of tips, practices, videos, meditations, and other helpful resources you can use in everyday life to grow the good that lasts. Learn more and sign up here. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9 Elo 202154min

Though there’s no lack of advice out there, changing in lasting ways is hard. Today Forrest and Dr. Rick Hanson are joined by Dr. Katy Milkman, an expert on the science of change, to explore how we can build better habits, sustain motivation, and change for good.  About Our Guest: Dr. Katy Milkman is a Professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. Her research explores ways that insights from economics and psychology can be harnessed to change consequential behaviors for good. Katy is the author of the bestselling new book How to Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, and is also the host of the popular podcast Choiceology with Katy Milkman. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:30: Why is it so hard to change? 5:35: Using Rick as an example of changing a habit. 10:10: Short-term costs vs. long-term benefits. 13:45: Are we more motivated by carrots or sticks? And which sustains motivation better? 21:00: Fresh start effect.  24:00: Our bias against change.  27:30: Making internal changes.  30:30: How much can we change our nature? 36:00: Changing internal factors.  41:15: Tracking the things you’re trying to change.  45:00: Nature vs. nurture.  48:30: Durable behavior change.  55:30: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Follow Forrest on Instagram Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

2 Elo 20211h 2min

When we’re hurt in our relationships, it’s normal to experience resentment. We don’t talk about resentment very much, we’re more likely to talk about anger, fear, or sadness. But resentment is a combination of all of those difficult feelings that causes as much harm to our relationships – and to our own well-being – as any other emotion. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick Hanson explore resentment:  where it comes from, what it does, and what we can do about it. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: What is resentment, and what function does it serve? 5:50: Resentment as repressed emotion. 9:00: Resentment and power differences. 11:10: Aspects of resentment. 12:40: Costs of resentment.  18:50: Given the costs, why do people hold on to their resentment? 22:20: Resentment connects us to people.  28:30: Healthy aspects of resentment. 31:00:  Feeling "good enough."  34:00: Working with resentment: what do you want your experience to be? 42:00: Resentment as an indicator of unresolved communication. 44:30: The social functions of resentment. 48:00: Metta as an antidote to resentment. 54:30: Disentangled forgiveness. 57:00: Recap. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Just One Thing: Dr. Rick Hanson offers 3 free, regular newsletters with a variety of tips, practices, videos, meditations, and other helpful resources you can use in everyday life to grow the good that lasts. Learn more and sign up here. Rick's Wednesday Meditation Group: Join Rick for a free online weekly meditation, talk, and discussion every Wednesday from 6-7:30 pm PT/9-10:30 pm ET. Follow the link to learn more. If you can't join live, the sessions are recorded for later viewing. Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

26 Heinä 20211h 3min

Tara Brach joins Dr. Rick Hanson to help us learn how to "trust the gold:" recognizing and appreciating our essential human goodness, while resting in the key refuges of truth, love, and freedom. About our Guest:  Tara is the founder and guiding teacher of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C. Tara has taught all over the world, and is the author of four books, including her most recent book Trusting the Gold: Uncovering Your Natural Goodness. You can also find Tara through her Tara Brach podcast. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 2:05: What does it mean to “trust the gold?” 6:05: Blocks to seeing our true goodness. 9:50: The impact of childhood. 13:05: Objection #1: Fears of falling into narcissism or arrogance.  18:30: The benefits of satisfying our needs. 21:20: Objection #2: Fears of laziness and lack of success. 25:15: Two paths to trusting the gold. 30:10: “Deal with the bad, turn toward the good, take in the good.” 34:00: Letting in love. 39:55: The three kinds of gold. 44:50: Offering kindness. 47:25: Trauma, and trusting our goodness when we feel unclean. 54:25: Recognizing bad behavior while also trusting inner goodness. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

19 Heinä 20211h

Most personal growth content out there suggests having a "never give up" mindset. But the truth is that a big part of life is deciding when it's time to stop investing our limited effort into that job, skill, or relationship that's no longer serving you.  Today Dr. Rick Hanson and Forrest explore how to determine when it's time for things to end, dealing with disappointment, giving ourselves credit for our good efforts, and getting excited about what's to come. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: Being sure you’re not ending too soon. 4:50: Improving distress tolerance vs. protecting yourself. 9:50: Trusting the past.  13:30: What keeps people stuck: sunk cost fallacy. 14:30: The longing for a just world. 16:50: Dealing with disappointment. 22:00: Optimism, and turning toward the future. 24:30: Understanding the limitations of our environment.  27:15: Redefining success.  30:05: Knowing you gave things your best effort.  32:00: Impulsivity. 33:30: Unilateral virtue. 37:30: Finding your five. 39:30: Helping other people feel heard.  42:45: Being clear about the “last chance.” 45:30: The fear of change, and turning toward the future. 52:45: Recap. Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

12 Heinä 202157min

Forrest is joined by pioneering psychologist Dr. Katherine Kinzler to explore how our speech shapes our social identity, and the views we hold about other people. A big part of human nature is to rapidly sort people into two groups: “like me,” and “not like me.” Our general tendency is to gravitate toward people we perceive as “like me,” and avoid and oppose people we perceive as “not like me.” We use many different kinds of markers to determine which group a person belongs to: markers like perceived race, gender, political affiliation, and social class.  But there’s an often-overlooked factor that might influence how we view ourselves and others even more powerfully: the way we speak.  About Our Guest: Dr. Kinzler is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, and the leader of the Development of Social Cognition Laboratory. She’s also the author of the wonderful book How You Say It: Why You Talk the Way You Do―And What It Says About You.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Ideas: 2:25: Why language is such an important signifier of identity. 8:15: Why the brain cares so much about categories. 10:50: Brain plasticity and early language acquisition. 13:50: Language bias and dialectical prejudice. 19:15: Interventions for limiting linguistic prejudice.  23:00: How dialect changes as identity changes. 28:50: Consequences of dialectical prejudice. 34:30: Dialectical prejudice in the courtroom. 36:30: What can we do about dialect prejudice? 40:50: Positive results of bilingual exposure. 45:00: Becoming a better communicator. 49:00: Katherine’s “wave a magic wand” change. 51:30: When to start talking with kids about language. 53:00: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Heinä 20211h

Life includes many major culminating moments: we finish the big work project, receive the award, watch the kids leave home, go on the vacation, win the title, or enter retirement. These experiences can come with enormous fulfillment…for a while. And then, we might ask ourselves: Now what? Today Rick and Forrest explore that question, including how we can relate to the past, integrate learning, turn toward the future, and age well through life.  Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics 1:15: Context for the episode. 4:20: Our culture’s constant focus on “what’s next?” 9:30: Cognitive bias, and the brain’s “anticipation machine.” 13:45: Developmental stages of life 17:40: Stages of integration and disintegration.  27:30: The opportunities of old age.  31:45: Rick’s reflections on aging. 35:15: Bowing to past selves. 41:40: Giving our full effort. 44:00: Being a mentor, and having things to care for. 47:45: Recap  Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

28 Kesä 202153min

We all have different parts inside of us. This is perfectly normal, not psychotic. But our relationship with some parts is often better than others, and a wonderful path to healing and growth is to repair our relationship with all of our parts. That's the premise of Internal Family Systems Therapy, and today Forrest is exploring this powerful modality with the founder of IFS: Dr. Richard Schwartz. It's a special episode that includes a live demonstration of an IFS session between Forrest and Dr. Schwartz. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Key Topics: 2:00: Internal Family Systems' origin story. 4:30: An introduction to IFS. 12:40: Allowing the Self to help itself. 14:20: Richard and Forrest do a mock IFS session. 17:40: The "Manager" gets in the way. 18:20: "Direct access" to the "Protector" part. 24:00: Integrating the "session." 27:15: Speaking from our parts. 29:15: "No bad parts." 33:00: Working with our exiled parts.  35:10: Anger toward our parts, and self-compassion. 37:30: IFS' de-pathologizing stance, and place in the medical model.  39:40: Psychedelic assisted psychotherapy. 42:15: Trauma work, and being with the younger self. 47:45: Recap Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Start a new healthy habit with Seed! Visit seed.com/beingwell and use code BEINGWELL to get 20% off your first month of Seed’s Daily Synbiotic. Connect with the show: Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

21 Kesä 202151min