Three Pound Lobsters

Best friends Kelly and Christi are back! Today they are reviewing Episode 6 of their hit show Dance Moms called “Dying to Dance” (a title which they both agree is messed up.) It refers to the dance “Where Have All the Children Gone,” (which Christi nicknamed The Seven Dwarves of Suicide”) that the girls are performing this week, one of the most beloved by the company and viewers alike. Christi continues to point out more instances of “frankenbits,” where different moments of recording are spliced together to put words in people’s mouths, creating a false narrative for the audience. When they arrive at the competition, Brooke doesn’t have a costume. Cathy offers Brooke Vivianne’s but then takes it away only minutes before Brooke is scheduled to perform.

Meanwhile, it’s Kelly’s 40th birthday, and at Cathy’s passive aggressive urging, the ladies all go to get Botox. The women later gather at Kelly’s house for a birthday celebration and though they never showed the fortune teller who came to the party, they did show Melissa telling the world that Kelly has never had an orgasm. Later, Abby’s dog Broadway Baby makes a cameo, and Christi and Kelly reveal that she used to feed the dog her own Nutrisystem meals and then tell everyone she lost three pounds. Christi gets bad news about her grandmother and she takes Chloe back to her childhood home.

Join the party to hear about Kelly’s long lost golfing days, what she would like to ask Cathy now, and what “greeking” is.

Quotes

“Remember Abby said that she’s adding a little edge, because abduction is not edgy enough she had to add a suicide to it.” (22:02-22:06 | Christi)

“Producers probably told Cathy to say something about my nose because they know I was really insecure about camera angles.” (43:04-43:11 | Christi)

“Just so you guys know who ask, ‘How can Kelly who is such good friends with Christi not know about her sisters?’ I do not have a relationship with either of my sisters, so I don’t talk about them.” (45:02-45:10 | Christi)

“That was the first time I said Spanx on TV, and honestly Spanx should have sponsored us for the amount of time we talked about them.” (45:39-45:45 | Christi)

“You can tell when the days are long and who’s at the end of the interviews by how crazy we look.” (48:15-48:20 | Christi)

“We always filmed at my house. And it was like, I have three kids, and filming all day, and you tell me when I’m leaving at 10:30 at night that you’re coming to my house at 8 in the morning. My son and my husband have been using it like a bachelor pad, so it’s a disaster. Ugh, I used to hate it. ” (49:16-49:35 | Kelly)

“I’m not the most love-y, touchy, feely kind of person and they have me come over and hug you and try to console you and I’m thinking, ‘Oh, you’ve got the wrong girl for this.” (56:49-57:00 “ | Kelly)

“Brooke probably knew…Usually the kids knew when something like us hugging and consoling was going on, sometimes it was bullshit. It wasn’t something major going on. At this point, your grandmother really was sick, but usually it wasn’t. So, the kids could have cared less what we were over there talking about, because they figured oh, it’s nothing.” (59:04-59:25 | Kelly)

“When Chloe started dancing you can hear Paige in the background go, ‘Come on, Clover!’ If you watch any episode, Paige is always in the wings cheering her friends on. And then when they come on and off, she’s always hugging them. She’s the ultimate hype girl.” (1:04:15-1:04:35 | Kelly and Christi

“When they leave Brooke is carrying Kenzie in the background, it’s cute. She says, “Come on, Kenz!’ and picks her up and carries her. You have to pay attention to the back, there’s a lot of cute stuff.” (1:19:13-1:19:23 | Christi)

“I actually loved Candy Apple weeks because I knew Abby was going to leave me alone.” (1:23:56-1:24:01 | Christi)

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