Naked Massages

“This surprise just made me want to puke, I don't know about you,” Kelly says about this episode which refers to Jill gifting Abby a massage as a way to get into Abby’s good graces and move Kendall to the front of the group performance. As gross as Kelly and Christi find the whole thing, they tell the story of the time they had their own (semi) naked ‘couples’ massage. Jill will do anything to get ‘my little Kendall’ ahead (this Dance Moms episode marks the debut of the infamous phrase), while Melissa does the same for her kids, but tries to deny it. Kelly and Christi continue to be team players and Abby continues to punish them for it.

Jill continues to feel entitled to special treatment for Kendall despite being with the ALDC for five minutes, and Leslie, who hasn’t been there much longer, expects the same for Peyton. Brooke is back, having chosen dance over cheerleading (which never really happened and Brooke just stayed home for a week). Abby guilt trips Brooke and burns her pom poms in the parking lot, (in a scene which didn’t air) but still gives her a solo in which she portrays an alien.

Christi and Kelly walk us through Abby’s ‘scariest pep talk ever,’ tell us which producer always had his eye on what medication everyone was taking, and the time a fan handed Christi drugs.

Quotes

“It needs to be addressed that the place where they took the child to talk to the dance teacher is called Flowers in the Attic. ‘Flowers in the Attic’ was the book that’s all about incest and child abuse and murder!” (7:02-7:15 | Christi)

“This is the episode—they didn't show it–but Abby set Brooke’s pom poms on fire in the parking lot.” (26:20-26:28 | Christi)

“Jill always turned things to Kendall, always. It was on the show, but I don't even know if she was encouraged to do that. She just naturally did it.” (27:49-28:05 | Christi)

“Melissa was very smart about what she did on camera. She would do stuff off-camera, and then when we confronted her on camera, it always made it look like we were just mean and jealous.” (39:13-39:27 | Christi)

“I can almost respect Jill more because she just says, ‘Yeah, I'm going to do what I need to get my kid ahead,’ but Melissa denied it. And that's where I thought, ‘Just own up to it.’ And she would always deflect and say it was Abby.” (46:51-47:04 | Christi)

“Melissa's kids are clearly successful. So maybe I should have been more like her. But I also feel that I've really stuck by what I thought was morally right. So yeah, you know, whatever.” (48:01-48:17 | Christi)

“So now is the second time in this episode we learned that Abby Lee Miller is not put on this Earth to make our kids feel special. But Abby Lee Miller is put on this Earth to give GPS directions.” (1:28:22-1:28:34 | Kelly)

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