098: Live Session (Lee) — Methods, Five Secrets (Part 3)

098: Live Session (Lee) — Methods, Five Secrets (Part 3)

David and Jill do M = Methods, and show Lee how to respond to his wife more skillfully, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication (link). Like everyone who is trying to learn the Five Secrets, Lee struggles with several blind spots:

  • "I Feel" Statements. Lee has tremendous difficulties sharing his feelings openly, in a respectful manner. He seems indoctrinated with the cultural idea that men should not be vulnerable and express feelings.
  • Lee makes the common error of "problem solving" instead of asking his wife to share more of her feelings.
  • Lee makes another common error of apologizing and using the trite phrase "I'm sorry" instead of encouraging his wife to open up. David discusses the different between dysfunctional and effective apologies.

David and Jill do lots of role-play practice with Lee and give him a homework assignment.

T = Testing. After the session is over, Lee completes the Brief Mood Survey again. His scores indicated that his feelings of anxiety and anger have completely disappeared, and he also has a perfect score Positive Feelings Survey and the Relationship Satisfaction Scale. He also gave David and Jill perfect scores on the Empathy and Helpfulness scales and wrote what he liked the best about the session:

"My epiphany came at the moment I realized I had been afraid of emasculating myself and realizing that my vision of what a "man" should be was completely inaccurate."

At the end, Jill reads an emotional email from Lee describing how he relapsed and started arguing with his wife, and then remember to empathize use the Five Secrets instead, with an amazing result!

Jaksot(512)

008: M = Methods (Part 2) — You Can CHANGE the Way You FEEL

008: M = Methods (Part 2) — You Can CHANGE the Way You FEEL

A session with a severely depressed, suicidal, hospitalized woman with rapidly cycling bipolar illness, who'd had 15 years of failed treatment with drugs and psychotherapy.

12 Marras 201633min

007: M = Methods (Part 1) — You FEEL the Way You THINK

007: M = Methods (Part 1) — You FEEL the Way You THINK

The three basic principles of CBT: Negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, and anger, do not result from what happens to us, but rather from our thoughts about what's happening. In fact, our tho...

9 Marras 201634min

006: Ask David — Identity Crisis; Finding a CBT Therapist; Love Me the Way I Am

006: Ask David — Identity Crisis; Finding a CBT Therapist; Love Me the Way I Am

Responses to questions submitted by listeners: What causes an "identity crisis?" And how do you treat it? Why is it so hard to find a therapist trained in cognitive therapy? In a relationship, should...

6 Marras 201625min

005: A = Agenda Setting (Part 2) — How to Overcome Therapeutic Resistance: "Dr. Burns, I think I need help with my low self-esteem!"

005: A = Agenda Setting (Part 2) — How to Overcome Therapeutic Resistance: "Dr. Burns, I think I need help with my low self-esteem!"

Dr. Burns suddenly abandons the role of healer and instead assumes the role of the patient's angry, paranoid and defiant resistance.

3 Marras 201636min

004: A = Agenda Setting (Part 1) —The Eight Most Common Forms of Therapeutic Resistance

004: A = Agenda Setting (Part 1) —The Eight Most Common Forms of Therapeutic Resistance

What is therapeutic resistance? You will find out that therapeutic resistance is NOT what you were taught in graduate school or read about in the writings of Sigmund Freud! You will also discover why ...

31 Loka 20161h 3min

003: E = Empathy — Does It Really Make a Difference?

003: E = Empathy — Does It Really Make a Difference?

How an encounter with a patient with paranoid schizophrenia dramatically changed the course of his career The 5 Secrets of Effective Communication How to talk with your EAR Dr. Burns also discusses w...

29 Loka 201639min

002: T = Testing — A Boring Topic with Exciting Implications

002: T = Testing — A Boring Topic with Exciting Implications

In this podcast, Dr. David Burns describes the "Testing" part of the T.E.A.M. model. Topics include: The shocking results of a study of therapist accuracy at Stanford Why therapists who don't test us...

28 Loka 201643min

001: Introduction to the TEAM Model

001: Introduction to the TEAM Model

In this podcast, Drs. Fabrice Nye and David Burns discuss an exciting breakthrough in psychotherapy. Leave your questions and comments below. Also, let us know if you'd like to see certain topics addr...

27 Loka 201630min

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