I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.
Death, Sex & Money4 Kesä 2024

I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Singing in the Pain: Hrishikesh Hirway on his Mother, Grief and Creativity

Singing in the Pain: Hrishikesh Hirway on his Mother, Grief and Creativity

Musician and “Song Exploder” host, Hrishikesh Hirway, remembers his mother, Kanta, who died in 2020, and the music that’s helped him move through grief.  You can listen to Hrishikesh Hirway’s new solo music inspired by Kanta here, the podcast, “Song Exploder,'' here, and the podcast, “Home Cooking,” here.  Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

19 Loka 202235min

Conversations with My Dead Mother

Conversations with My Dead Mother

Rachel Matlow’s mother refused to get the surgery that could have saved her. That often left her and Rachel trying to love each other while bitterly at odds. You can listen to the full audio piece Rachel made here, and order their memoir here. Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

12 Loka 202236min

I Wanted To Be A 'Good Girl'

I Wanted To Be A 'Good Girl'

Andrea grew up attending an evangelical church in Texas, where she was taught to abstain from sex until marriage and keep herself sexually "pure." That early sex education—and her decision to have premarital sex anyway—had long-lasting impact, well into her adulthood. This episode was part of our series called Our Sex (Mis)Educations. Find the entire series here. Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Loka 202226min

India Walton: I Knew It Was Gonna Be Tough, But I Didn't Expect it to Get Nasty

India Walton: I Knew It Was Gonna Be Tough, But I Didn't Expect it to Get Nasty

In 2021, India Walton won, then lost, the Buffalo mayor’s race. She continues to work and grieve in her city.  Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

28 Syys 202248min

Inside John Waters' Home (But Not Inside His Colon)

Inside John Waters' Home (But Not Inside His Colon)

The delightful and rebellious writer-director welcomes us into his apartment to talk about money, family, friendships, and colonoscopies.  Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

21 Syys 202234min

How Clothes Help Us Find Our People and Ourselves

How Clothes Help Us Find Our People and Ourselves

Your stories about how your personal style has changed in the last few years, and the impact on not only what you wear, but how you see yourself and how you connect with others. You can check out Bill's art on his website or Instagram, and you can find Stephen's style on his Instagram, or listen to his music on SoundCloud. As for Afi's style inspirations, learn more about DapperQ here, and follow Lydia Okello on Instagram. You can find more of the team's fashion inspirations in this week's newsletter. Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

14 Syys 202233min

Lucinda Williams Says Whatever the Hell She Wants

Lucinda Williams Says Whatever the Hell She Wants

In her sixties, musician Lucinda Williams is more successful than ever. But with age has come a lot of loss. Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7 Syys 202231min

Big Freedia Bounces Back

Big Freedia Bounces Back

Big Freedia is a reality TV star and fixture on New Orleans' bounce scene. But days after Hurricane Katrina, she was sleeping on the street outside of the city's convention center. This episode originally aired in 2015.  Did you know we have a weekly email newsletter for the Death, Sex & Money community? Every Wednesday we send out podcast listening recommendations, fascinating letters from our inbox, and updates from the show. Sign up at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and follow the show on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Got a story to share? Email us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

31 Elo 202228min

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