S11 Ep. 1: Revenge Sex, What's Kinky, and When are Sex Problems Not About Sex?

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) I’m recently back in the dating game and wondering if there are generally accepted definitions of vanilla/non-vanilla? So far, I've ducked all the likes from guys who describe themselves as 'non-vanilla' in case I disappoint. I'm late 50s cis female heterosexual, I love sex, and have a very healthy libido. I'm very comfortable about my body, love having sex outside, and enjoy oral and anal (including anal sex and pegging if it excites a partner). I’m into lots of toy play, sharing porn, or making home porn. I’m comfortable masturbating with or in front of a partner and occasionally enjoy light bondage. But I’m monogamous and have never had any interest in bringing other people into play. I've also never felt any urge to explore anything more BDSM than the light bondage. Am I vanilla or non-vanilla?

2) I found some flirty messages on my wife’s phone and think she is having an emotional affair. I challenged her about it and she said she’d stop. But how do I keep calm and bring back trust, knowing she meets the same person daily? Is messaging a red flag that a real affair is about to happen? Shall I wait and see, ignore her, or do the same so she becomes jealous?

3) I have found a great guy. He’s kind, caring, fun, adores me, and would be a great partner and father if we had kids. He’s creative in the bedroom which is important to me and everything I've been looking for…but I don't feel satisfied after sex. We’ve been going out for 18 months. At the beginning, the sex wasn't great, but now he’s learned what works. He gets really turned on by me, which turns me on. I enjoy the sex, but I don’t get a sense of deep satisfaction. Does this mean the relationship is doomed if the spark isn’t there?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

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