#210 - Being Organized

When you become a step-parent, you’re walking into a tricky situation. You may have the warmest feelings for your step-kids and a heartfelt desire to be a positive figure in their lives, and still find yourself thrust into the role of “wicked step-mother” (or step-father), with the pain of their parents’ broken marriage heaped onto your back… while your partner stands by helplessly. As a longtime marriage counselor, I know blended family problems like these are common, and incredibly challenging to overcome. It’s one of the reasons I advise couples to seek blended family counseling as a preventative measure, before problems arise. I also advise taking a very thoughtful approach to blending your families, and examining your expectations for what the role of step-parent will look and feel like.    Listen to “the dos and don’ts of step-parenting” to get real-deal advice on how to avoid the most common step parenting mistakes, and learn an approach to step-parenting that helps you release unhelpful expectations so you can create a happy, harmonious blended family.   With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

3 Loka 20221h 23min

What is your apology language? And, more importantly… what’s your partner’s?  As an experienced marriage counselor and couples therapist, I know that apologizing is an essential skill for healthy relationships.  But not all apologies are created equal. Just as partners must learn to speak each other’s love languages to help each other feel cared for, they must also learn to apologize in ways that feel meaningful to their partner and pave the way to genuine forgiveness. Tune in to learn all about apology languages, the anatomy of a good apology, and how you can repair “relationship injuries” and get things back on track with the people you love the most.  Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

26 Syys 202247min

On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re covering a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves: the unique challenges of maintaining a relationship when you or your partner are members of the military, and how you can keep your military relationship healthy and strong.  If you or your partner (or both of you!) are service members, you know that the military can feel like a mistress, always meddling on the edges of your relationship… and sometimes high-jacking it completely. No matter how in love with each other you are, or how committed to your partnership you feel, it’s hard to be moved from place to place because of distant orders that you had little or no say in. It’s hard to have a career that takes you away from your partner and your children for extended periods of time. It’s hard to take care of everything on the home front by yourself, especially if you’re stationed far away from family and friends.  And it can be especially hard to find a marriage counselor or a long-distance relationship counselor who understands these unique challenges, and how to help military couples overcome them. Luckily, we have just such an expert joining us on this episode of the podcast. Jesse S., M.S, LMFT, is a marriage counselor and relationship coach here at Growing Self. He’s also a member of the military with over two decades of service, currently serving in the Connecticut National Guard as a First Sergeant in the 141st Ground Ambulance Unit. In addition to treating bodily wounds, he’s passionate about helping other service members heal and grow as individuals, and within their relationships. Today, he’s sharing his insight and guidance with you. I hope you’ll join us! With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

19 Syys 20221h 4min

When you’re crushing on somebody, you’re not dreaming about how supportive they’d be if your mother was in the hospital, or how adept they’ll be at receiving your feedback in the midst of a furious argument. No — you’re much too focused on how cute their eyes look when they smile, or how nice they smell.    That’s because we’re attracted to people based on their physical appearance, and their personalities (insofar as we can know someone’s personality within a few months of dating).   This isn’t because we’re all shallow jerks — it’s just that we’re biologically primed to hone in on the qualities that make for an excellent short-term mate (short-term as in, long enough to make a baby and keep it alive until it can walk), rather than the deep personal qualities that actually make for a good life partner.    Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, it’s to your benefit to learn about these deeper qualities, so that you can recognize them in others and cultivate them in yourself. If you can focus on character over chemistry in your relationships, you can create a partnership that’s healthy, strong, and truly built to last.    On this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. Using insight I’ve gained through working with countless couples over the years in marriage counseling and relationship coaching, I’m going to tell you what actually makes a good life partner — and how you can develop your own “good partner” skills to create better relationships.    With Love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

5 Syys 202259min

It’s no secret that good communication is the key ingredient to a healthy relationship. But, as we all know, couples communication can be challenging — especially when you're under stress.   When you and your partner are under stress, communication gets hard. It’s so easy to forget everything you know about active listening and “I-statements” when you’re feeling emotionally elevated, and to slip into a communication style that’s heavy on criticism, blame, and defensiveness. This tendency is totally human — but it’s also a bad habit that we all must overcome for our relationships to truly thrive.    On this episode of the podcast, we’re discussing couples communication strategies that will not only help you manage feelings of stress without damaging your relationship, but that will tap into the power of your deep love and support for each other so you can get through stressful times while strengthening your connection.    My guest is Silas H., M.S., MFTC, a couples counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. Silas has helped many couples improve their communication patterns and overcome adversity as a team, and he’s sharing his original and highly actionable advice with you today.    All of this and more is here for you. I hope you’ll join us!   Xoxo,    Dr. Lisa Marie bobby GrowingSelf.com

29 Elo 202256min

All couples have differences, and having “spirited conversations” (aka, “conflict”) as you work towards resolving them is a normal part of every healthy relationship. That said, there are certain types of relationship conflict and emotional experiences that you should never minimize, or underestimate the importance of. These are the warning signs your relationship may be in real trouble, and when those are happening it's vital to deal with them. Understanding what they are can help you take positive action to repair your relationship so that you can heal your bond. Learn about the six signs your relationship is in trouble, and what to do if they’re present, on this episode of the podcast.  Your partner in growth,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

22 Elo 202259min

Is it hard for you to trust your partner, or feel secure with them? If you've ever caught yourself double checking them (and then wondering to yourself, "Do I have trust issues?") this podcast is for you. We're talking about what trust issues are (and what they are not), signs of trust issues, what causes trust issues, how unresolved trust issues damage relationships, and what you can do to overcome them — so you can feel confident and secure. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Ps: Access all the resources I mention in this podcast on the blog at GrowingSelf.com!

15 Elo 20221h

Are you in a codependent relationship? If so you're probably feeling anxious, frustrated, and exhausted from trying to create positive change in your relationship single-handedly. (Or feeling like you're never quite good enough to meet the standards of your partner). Not fun for anyone! On today's episode, we're taking a deep dive into codependent relationships. Listen, and learn: - What codependent relationships are - Why they happen - The stages of codependency recovery - How you can get un-fused from each other so that you can both grow and flourish. How to stop being codependent: All for you! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

8 Elo 20221h 14min