#339 - Am I Ready For a Baby?

There is a particular kind of frustration that comes from knowing yourself well enough to recognize a pattern, and still feeling unable to stop it. You understand what you are doing. You may even understand why. And yet the behavior keeps showing up anyway. In this conversation, I’m sitting down with licensed marriage and family therapist and mental health educator Kati Morton to talk about why habits that no longer serve us can be so hard to change. Not because we lack insight or discipline, but because many of these patterns began as emotional coping habits. At one point, they helped us feel safer, more connected, or more in control. Over time, they quietly turned into ways we stay stuck. We explore how early relationship experiences shape perfectionism and control patterns, why self-sabotaging behaviors make sense once you understand the nervous system’s role in survival, and how shame keeps habits locked in place rather than motivating change. Kati shares why willpower is rarely the solution, and what compassionate habit change actually looks like when you stop trying to override yourself and start listening instead. We also talk about what happens when these patterns show up inside relationships, how to raise concerns without controlling or shaming your partner, and why understanding the function of a habit matters far more than trying to eliminate it. This episode is about breaking habits that keep you stuck by learning how to meet the underlying need in a healthier, more sustainable way. As you listen, I invite you to reflect on this question: What has this behavior been doing for me, and what might become possible if I approached myself with more curiosity and less judgment? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why willpower is not enough to change habits 03:49 How early relationship blueprints shape behavior 08:51 Perfectionism, people pleasing, and self-abandonment 12:25 Conditional love and control patterns 18:06 Nervous system regulation and survival responses 24:04 Emotional coping habits outside of relationships 31:03 Why shame reinforces habits 37:54 Addressing the root instead of cutting off symptoms 44:27 Supporting change in relationships without control 50:53 More from Kati Morton If this episode brought clarity to patterns you have been struggling with, and you would like support as you work toward change that actually lasts, I want to extend a personal invitation. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. This is a private, secure space where you will answer three quick questions so we can help match you with the right counselor or coach for what you are navigating right now. Think of it as a thoughtful starting place, not a commitment. Just support, perspective, and help finding the right next step. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs  to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

9 Helmi 56min

If you’ve been dating for a while and you’re starting to feel tired, discouraged, or quietly wondering why this seems so much harder than it should be, you’re not imagining things. Modern dating can wear people down, the endless swiping, first dates that go nowhere, the emotional energy it takes just to stay open and hopeful. Many of the people I work with start to doubt themselves, not because anything is wrong with them, but because the process itself is exhausting. In this episode, I’m joined by Tim Molnar, a dating coach and former sociology professor, to talk about dating burnout recovery and how to approach dating with more clarity, intention, and emotional steadiness. Instead of pushing harder or checking out completely, we explore how to date more thoughtfully,  in ways that protect your mental health and help you stay connected to yourself along the way. We talk about why modern dating mental health struggles are so common, how swipe culture and endless choice can distort decision-making, and why so many good people end up feeling depleted rather than excited. Tim shares a research-backed, intentional dating strategy that helps you make better decisions sooner, reduce emotional drain, and focus your energy where it actually matters. If you’ve been trying to date without losing yourself — your values, your peace of mind, or your sense of hope — this episode offers a calmer, more grounded way forward. As you listen, you might reflect on this question: What would change if dating felt less like a test of your worth and more like a process you could approach with intention and self-trust? Episode Breakdown 00:00 Dating Burnout and Self-Doubt in Modern Dating 02:17 Tim’s Journey to an Intentional Dating Strategy 07:24 Why Modern Dating Impacts Mental Health 12:52 The “Third Door” Approach to Dating Without Burning Out 16:05 Expanding Your Social World Without Losing Yourself 21:15 Why Dating Apps Create Burnout and Inertia 25:49 Real-World Connection, Rejection, and Emotional Risk 36:29 Making Better Dating Decisions Earlier 39:43 The 80/20 Approach to Dating Without Burnout 43:40 Chemistry vs. Compatibility in Healthy Relationships 46:22 What Research Says Predicts Long-Term Relationship Success 50:47 The Power of the Slow Burn in Dating If dating has started to feel heavy, confusing, or emotionally draining, and you’d like a thoughtful place to land as you sort through what you need next, I want you to know there’s support available to you. I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my Growing Self team. This is a private, secure space where you’ll answer a few simple questions so we can understand what’s been weighing on you and thoughtfully connect you with the right counselor or coach — someone who understands dating burnout, relationship decision-making, and how to help you stay open to love without losing yourself. You don’t need to have everything figured out before you begin. This is simply an opportunity to feel understood, supported, and less alone as you find a calmer, more intentional way forward. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs  to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

5 Helmi 1h 4min

If therapy feels like talking in circles, you’re not un-helpable. Your therapy might be the wrong kind of help. In today’s episode we’re talking about the big fat elephant in the therapy room: The disconnect between what therapists actually do, and what people are expecting to get out of it. Listen to get clarity about what therapy is actually designed to do, and more importantly what therapy is not—and how to choose the right support. The truth is that evidence based psychotherapy can be a literal life-saver. If you’re dealing with mental health issues, getting connected with a good, competent therapist can make all the difference between suffering, struggling, and having a nice life. Psychotherapy is valid, important, and effective for the treatment of mental health conditions.  But what about the 50% of people who show up for therapy who aren’t dealing with a mental health condition? Who are there to learn, grow, and develop themselves so that we can get traction in our lives, and have support to get where we want to go?  Those people? So many of them walk away from therapy feeling frustrated, stuck, or even wondering if they’re the problem. In this episode, I’m getting real about why therapy sometimes falls flat—and how you can reclaim your growth by understanding the actual purpose and process of therapy vs coaching. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why traditional therapy sometimes feels like “talking in circles” (and why it’s not your fault) What therapists are really trained for (hint: it isn’t always growth or day-to-day challenges) The major differences between therapy, mental health therapy, relationship therapy, and coaching—and how to know which one you need Red flags and disconnects to listen for during your first session How to interview a psychologist or counselor so you actually get results (not just insight) When coaching is more effective than therapy for life, relationship, and career issues What to know about insurance and why it matters if you’re not getting “treatment” Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby PS: On this show you’ll hear me talk about my coach training program for therapists, and the opportunity to work with one of them at a deeply discounted rate ($49!). Learn more and see if this is right for you. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Shopify: The all-in-one platform to build and grow your online business. Explore exclusive listener discounts at shopify.com/lhsWorking Genius founder Patrick Lencioni is on a mission to create self understanding and connection by helping people understand their genius and that of others. Listen to our conversation, then discover your strengths and get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

2 Helmi 53min

There’s a particular kind of emotional stuckness that’s hard to explain until you’ve lived it — the constant thinking about someone, replaying conversations, scanning for meaning in small moments, and slowly realizing that your inner world has begun to revolve around another person. That’s the experience we’re talking about today. In this episode, psychologist Orly Miller joins me for a thoughtful conversation about limerence vs love, and why intense longing can sometimes cross a line into something that feels more consuming than connecting. We talk about what limerence actually is, how it differs from healthy romantic attachment, and why it can be so difficult to move out of once you’re in it. For anyone quietly wondering how to stop limerence, this conversation offers clarity, language, and relief without judgment. As you listen, I invite you to notice how uncertainty, hope, and emotional focus may be shaping your experience of love,  and what might shift if more of that energy were returned to you, rather than staying fixed on someone else. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Loving Too Much: When Longing Becomes Painful 01:42 How Limerence Shows Up in Real Life 08:52 What Limerence Is (and What It Isn’t) 11:00 Limerence vs Love: Why Healthy Love Moves Forward 17:55 The Three Ways Limerence Can Exist 20:47 Hope and Doubt: What Keeps Limerence Alive 22:34 When Limerence Becomes Unhealthy 33:06 Inside a Limerent Episode 42:52 Why Healing Isn’t About the Other Person 44:54 Reclaiming Yourself and Moving Forward When patterns like these start to come into focus, it can bring relief, and also raise questions about what comes next. If this conversation stirred something for you and you’d like thoughtful support while you sort through it, I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my Growing Self team. This is a private, secure space where you’ll answer a few simple questions about what’s been happening in your relationships and emotional life, and what you’d like to feel differently. From there, we’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can move forward with clarity, self-trust, and care,  instead of staying stuck in patterns that no longer serve you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs  to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

29 Tammi 51min

Struggling with a dead bedroom? Talking about sex can feel more vulnerable and more terrifying than almost any other conversation in relationships, but it's the key to bringing back the spark. In this episode, you'll learn how to talk about sex with your partner in ways that strengthen emotional intimacy, reignite sexual intimacy, deepen connection, and help couples communicate without shame, fear, or defensiveness. If you’ve ever wanted more closeness or desire in your relationship but felt frozen when it came time to talk about sex, you’re not alone. For many couples, learning how to talk about sex with your partner feels risky—even when love is strong and the longing for connection is real. Fear of rejection, conflict, or hurting each other can keep these conversations stuck beneath the surface, quietly eroding intimacy over time. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Tara, a Kinsey-certified sexologist and tenured professor of sexual and relational communication, to talk about how to communicate better about sex in ways that actually build safety, trust, and closeness. We explore why sexual conversations feel so charged, how cultural conditioning shapes desire and avoidance, and what helps couples rebuild trust sexually after long periods of distance, rejection, or disconnection. You’ll hear practical guidance for starting these conversations gently, expanding what sexual intimacy can look like in long-term relationships, and taking responsibility for your own sexual self—without blame or shame. As you listen, I invite you to reflect on this question: What might become possible in your relationship if talking about sex felt safer, clearer, and more connecting than it does right now? Episode Breakdown 00:00 Why Talking About Sex Feels So Hard in Relationships 06:30 The Cost of Avoiding Conversations About Sex 15:00 How Sexual Communication Affects Intimacy and Connection 22:00 How to Talk About Sex Without Fear or Defensiveness 27:30 Understanding Your Sexual Self Before Communicating Needs 30:00 Redefining Sexual Intimacy Beyond Penetration 33:00 How to Ask for What You Want Sexually (Without Hurting Your Partner) 39:00 Navigating Sexual Differences in Long-Term Relationships 47:00 Rebuilding Sexual Trust and Attraction After Distance 52:40 The Core Skill: Knowing What You Want and Communicating It If this conversation stirred something for you—maybe a desire to feel closer, more confident, or more understood—you’re invited to schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, secure space where you can share what’s been happening in your relationship and what you’re hoping will feel different. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can thoughtfully match you with the right counselor or coach for your needs. It only takes a couple of minutes, and it’s designed to help you find support that fits, whether you’re working on communication, rebuilding sexual trust, or finding your way back to connection. Consider this a gentle next step and an open door, if and when you’re ready. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs  to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

26 Tammi 1h

When love and relationships turn into constant conflict, the problem isn’t that you’re bad at communicating; it’s that you’re negotiating without a strategy. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby sits down with negotiation expert Rebecca Zung to unpack how communication breaks down in narcissistic relationships and what it really takes to negotiate effectively in a marriage or partnership marked by high conflict. If you’ve ever found yourself explaining, accommodating, or giving more and more in the hope that things will finally calm down, only to feel resentful or powerless later, this conversation is for you. Rebecca shares why negotiation is not just a legal skill, but a relationship skill and a self-worth skill, especially when you’re dealing with someone who is unpredictable, manipulative, or unwilling to meet you halfway. We talk about how to negotiate with a narcissist without losing yourself, including why mindset and preparation matter more than saying the “right” thing in the moment. Rebecca explains how common negotiation tactics like over-giving, people-pleasing, and JADE-ing (justify, argue, defend, explain) quietly undermine your position, and how clarity around your values, boundaries, and walk-away points can change the entire dynamic. You’ll also hear practical strategies for staying grounded and strategic in high-conflict relationships, setting boundaries without escalating conflict, and using leverage in ways that protect your energy, your self-respect, and what matters most to you. As you listen, I invite you to reflect on this: Where have you been negotiating against yourself just to keep the peace? And what might shift if you approached these conversations with more clarity, intention, and respect for your own needs? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Negotiation Is a Relationship Skill 01:38 Rebecca Zung’s Personal Path to Negotiation Expertise 09:31 The First Negotiation Is With Yourself 13:26 Why Mindset Determines Negotiation Outcomes 18:24 Over-Giving, People-Pleasing, and Resentment 28:18 The Five I’s of Negotiation Leverage 43:30 Never JADE: How to Stop Giving Away Your Power 46:43 Setting Boundaries in High-Conflict Relationships If this episode resonated, and you’re realizing that navigating a high-conflict relationship requires more than just trying harder or explaining yourself better, I want you to know that support is available. I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with my team at Growing Self. This is a private, secure space where you can share what’s been happening in your relationship and where you’re feeling stuck or drained. You’ll answer a few quick questions so we can thoughtfully connect you with the right counselor or coach, someone who understands high-conflict dynamics and can help you move forward with greater clarity, confidence, and self-trust. You don’t have to keep negotiating without a strategy, and you don’t have to do this alone. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

22 Tammi 57min

Imagine realizing the person you trusted was intentionally deceiving you the entire time. This episode pulls back the curtain on how con artists operate and the psychological devastation left in their wake. You'll learn how deception works, why even smart, capable people fall victim, and the lasting emotions from stress and anger to deep regret. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to increase your awareness, find the right professional support, and begin to move on safely. It’s a heavy but important conversation that may help you recognize danger before it’s too late. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, I’m joined by Johnathan Walton, an Emmy-winning former TV reporter and current reality TV producer, who became a leading voice on the psychology of the con artist after surviving a deeply destabilizing betrayal himself. He’s also the host, writer, and executive producer of the hit podcast Queen of the Con, and the author of Anatomy of a Con Artist. Together, we talk about how con artists manipulate emotions (not intelligence), why “I’m just trying to help” can be an early warning sign, and what happens to your brain and body when the relationship you thought was real turns out to be built on lies. We also get practical: the red flags that show up across scams, romance cons, and long-game manipulation, plus steps you can take to protect yourself—and what to do if you realize you’ve already been pulled in. A gentle note: This conversation includes explicit language and frank discussion of trauma responses, including intrusive revenge fantasies. Please take care of yourself while listening, and skip this one if you’re not in the right headspace today. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Moment You Realize Someone Isn’t Who They Say They Are 01:05 Con Artists, Betrayal Trauma, and Why This Conversation Matters 02:05 Trigger Warning and How To Listen Safely 07:04 Johnathan’s Story: The “Irish Heiress” Con Artist Case 11:20 How a Con Artist Hooks You Through Emotional Manipulation 30:33 The Red Flags of a Con Artist and How Patterns Form 41:27 The Trauma Aftermath: Shame, Rage, and Losing Trust in Yourself 46:38 Protecting Yourself After a Con Artist Betrayal 52:35 Dr. Lisa’s Guidance on Betrayal Trauma Support If you’re listening and realizing this episode connects to your own life, whether through a relationship, a financial loss, or the unsettling sense that something once trusted wasn’t real, I want you to have support, not just information. As a gift, I’d like to invite you to schedule a free consultation with my team at Growing Self. You’ll answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you book a private, secure consultation with the right counselor or coach for what you’re navigating right now. This is a thoughtful, low-pressure way to get clarity, feel supported, and take a steady next step forward. You don’t have to navigate this alone. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

19 Tammi 1h 1min

What do you do when you're blindsided by unexpected and total life changes? I’m talking about the kind that shatter your sense of identity, happiness, and success all at once. How do you manage those overwhelming emotions and find a direction again? In this episode, you’ll learn just that: how to grow and heal when everything falls apart, find direction when you’re feeling trapped, and rebuild your sense of well-being for a new version of love, happiness, and success. I’m joined by Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist, creator of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans, and the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations. Maya brings both personal experience and research-backed insight to the question so many people ask during major life transitions: Why does this feel so exhausting, disorienting, and scary — and how do I move forward without losing myself? Together, we talk about why life changes often feel like a threat to your identity, why uncertainty can drain your energy, and why there’s no single “right” way to grieve after major life events. Maya shares gentle, practical ways to begin healing that don’t require pushing yourself to be positive, rushing the process, or overhauling your life when you’re already tired. As you listen, I’d invite you to reflect on this: When so much has changed at once, what parts of you are still here? And what might become possible if this chapter isn’t the end of your story, but the beginning of something different? Episode Breakdown 00:00 When Life Falls Apart 01:23 Why Total Life Changes Feel So Destabilizing 01:55 Maya’s Story: Losing Big Dreams During Major Life Changes 07:10 How Life Transitions Threaten Identity 07:44 Finding Your “Why” After Everything Changes 11:17 There’s No One Right Way To Grieve Life Events 15:51 Why Uncertainty Is So Exhausting During Life Changes 22:33 A Self-Affirmation Tool For Identity After Total Life Changes 28:20 Moral Elevation: Finding Hope During Difficult Life Transitions 37:14 Why Community Helps You Heal After Major Life Events 42:35 Shared Psychology: Different Life Changes, Same Emotional Truths 45:40 Share This Episode With Someone Navigating Change If you’re living through total life changes right now and could use steady, thoughtful support as you find your footing again, I want to offer you something. I’ve created a simple way for you to schedule a free consultation that’s designed to truly meet you where you are. By answering three quick questions, you’ll be personally matched with the counselor or coach who’s best suited for what you’re navigating right now. This is a private, secure process, it only takes a couple of minutes, and it’s my way of making sure you don’t have to figure all of this out on your own. If this episode helped you put language to what you’ve been carrying, consider this an open door. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com

15 Tammi 51min