Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free! | E386

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw. The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic. Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift. On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe. I hope you'll join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.

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How to Feel Happier and Less Stressed... Right Now | E154

How to Feel Happier and Less Stressed... Right Now | E154

Growing Self is devoted to helping you feel happier, and get better results in your relationships and your career. Over the years of being a therapist and coach I've learned that there are a couple of...

29 Huhti 201950min

How to Be Better With Money | E153

How to Be Better With Money | E153

Money. Love it, hate it, it matters. Financial concerns can impact every area of your life, including your relationships, your career and even your self-esteem. Learning how to take charge of your fin...

22 Huhti 20191h 1min

Do You Have Adult ADHD? | E152

Do You Have Adult ADHD? | E152

Adult ADHD: A Blessing and a Curse Wondering if you have Adult ADHD, or suspicious you do? Want to take an "Adult ADHD Test?" Here's the first test: Does the fact that this is a podcast about ADHD ...

15 Huhti 201956min

Career Advice: Generational Differences in the Workplace  | E151

Career Advice: Generational Differences in the Workplace | E151

Generational differences in the workplace aren't something that you might always have on the top of your mind, but they can impact you more than you may realize. How you communicate, how you work with...

8 Huhti 201951min

Should You Have Sex With Your Ex? | E150

Should You Have Sex With Your Ex? | E150

Let’s be real — sex with your ex is rarely just about sex. If you’re wrestling with the urge to reconnect physically with your ex after a breakup, or stuck in a situationship with them that feels more...

25 Maalis 201954min

Are You Compatible? | E149

Are You Compatible? | E149

How do you know if you're with the right person? If your relationship is good but not perfect, is that okay? How do you know if you're settling? When do you invest in a relationship, and when should y...

18 Maalis 20191h 9min

How to Become Self Employed | E148

How to Become Self Employed | E148

Have you been daydreaming about quitting your day job and becoming self-employed? Lots of people share the fantasy of starting a business or doing their own thing, but many hit a wall when they think ...

25 Helmi 20191h 9min

How to Get Your Needs Met in a Relationship | E147

How to Get Your Needs Met in a Relationship | E147

Love is not enough, actually. You can have an over-all great relationship with someone you love very much, and still feel like you're not really getting what you need in order to feel truly connected ...

13 Helmi 20191h 11min

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