063 – Self Work: Indulgent or Invaluable? Featuring Mandi Saligari

Self-care and self-work are two very different things, does the latter fall into indulgence though or is it an invaluable part of our journeys to emotional and mental health? Addictions therapist Mandy Saligari says "your ability to be comfortable in your own skin is fundamental as to whether you might need to self-medicate later" and you will be surprised to hear, self-medication is not just drugs and alcohol!

Following on from last week, episode 062 with Angie Fadel, we talked about shoulding, and how often we find ourselves feeling guilty because we think that we SHOULD be doing something that we aren't. Our THOUGHTS have huge power over the way we feel and that's what I wanted to touch on in this episode as a therapist friend of mine said only a couple of weeks ago "feelings are always generated by thoughts". So whilst our feelings are important to feel, if our thoughts are mismatched with reality, we will find ourselves on these feeling journeys based in unreality.

So if our thoughts generate our feelings, what if the way we think is wrong? I refer often to episode 9 – rewriting the script and beyond. Just because we think something, doesn't make it right and so reading, exploring and even talking with a professional who is versed in how we formulate our thought patterns and emotions, becomes a helpful tool for us to get there perhaps a little quicker than just under our own devices – wouldn't you love to have known what you know now, 20 years ago?

I had a conversation recently with someone who said they felt like self-work was naval gazing and that it didn't really serve much of a purpose and isn't it better to just get on with things, so I thought it would be great to explore this a little further because as Angie said last week, self-searching or self-work happens in many ways and over a period of time:

Podcasts / Books / Counsellor/Therapist visits /Ted talks / Coaching – we often think that these options are the last resort in the UK, there is still such a stigma attached to the concept however counsellors and therapists, even the good coaches out there, are trained to recognise patterns of behaviour and challenge existing thought patterns in an environment that is safe, positive and helpful in a way that we may never achieve by just reading books or listening to a podcast because they are able to hear exactly how you are thinking. We hear and read through our existing filters and lenses so having a 3rd party involved can fast forward the process by years.

In this episode we hear from addictions therapist Mandy Saligari. She runs a clinic on London's Harley Street called Charter, is a regular on national TV and radio and a real authority on this - see her Ted Talk. We did this interview earlier in the year for the parenting podcast as part of a series on emotional development and how it effects mental health. In this conversation with Mandy, we hear about the damage that comes from hiding behind feelings, how we internalise negative life experiences and how until we bring these things to the surface and work them through, we adopt coping mechanisms and even self-medicating habits which then in turn inform us and shape our thought processes. She says "your ability to be comfortable in your own skin is fundamental as to whether you might need to self-medicate later" – and you will be surprised to hear, self-medication, addiction, is not just drugs and alcohol…..

We can spend a fortune on getting our hair done or buying good skincare and nice make up but the investment in this, at a much deeper level, is something I have found to be priceless so I hope you enjoy.

Links:

Mandy Saligari's Ted Talk "Feelings, Handle Them Before They Handle You"

Mandy's Website - Charter Harley Street

The Parenting Podcast on Apple Podcasts

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