6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)
Apocrypals27 Touko 2018

6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)

"And Isaiah answered and said 'So far as I have utterance, damned and accused be thou and all thy powers and all thy house, for thou canst not take from me aught save the skin of my body.' And they siezed and sawed in sunder Isaiah the son of Amoz with a wooden saw." -- The Ascension of Isaiah, 5:9-11.

Here's a question for you, Theophiloi: How do you get rid of a prophet who won't stop sitting on your bed in the nude with 50 of his closest friends? The answer, at least according to this week's selection, is that you wait for him to turn into a tree that also won't stop prophesying, and then saw him in half. Join us as we read the apocryphal Ascension of Isaiah, which gets into some shockingly specific detail about what we can expect in the Gospels... mostly.

Topics of discussion: The feast of Mary, Mother of the Church, Pentecost, Shavuot, a missed installment of SatanWatch, Isaiah's constant nudity, Samael, the Venom of God, the Carnage of God, the Demiurge, Belial, demons in the air, AntichristWatch, Negaduck Jesus, Nero's popularity, Jesus's wrath against White Castles, the benefits of wooden saws, the Seven Heavens, God's password, Thrones and thrones, the Junior Woodchuck Guide for Heaven, Haguel.

Jaksot(126)

5: On the Road to Rome (Paul's Letter to the Romans)

5: On the Road to Rome (Paul's Letter to the Romans)

"Therefore, any one of you who judges is without excuse, for when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. We know that God's judgment on those who do such th...

20 Touko 20181h 14min

4: Wittgenstein's Monster (The Book of Isaiah)

4: Wittgenstein's Monster (The Book of Isaiah)

"Woe to those that are wise in their own opinion and clever in their own sight." -- Isaiah 5:21 Isaiah, the biggest beefiest boy of all the prophets, steps into the spotlight to put our very premise t...

6 Touko 20181h 23min

3: Various Heresies (The Acts of Peter and Paul)

3: Various Heresies (The Acts of Peter and Paul)

"Go, say unto Simon: Peter, because of whom thou fleddest out of Judaea, waiteth for thee at the door." -- The Acts of Peter, Chapter IV Join us this week as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Peter ...

22 Huhti 20181h 29min

2: One Weird Trick (The Book of Daniel with Apocrypha)

2: One Weird Trick (The Book of Daniel with Apocrypha)

"Therefore I issue a decree that anyone of any people, nation, or language who says anything offensive against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego will be torn limb from limb and his house made...

14 Huhti 20181h 15min

1: Porky Party (The Book of Acts)

1: Porky Party (The Book of Acts)

"Look, you scoffers, marvel and vanish away, because I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will never believe, even if someone were to explain it to you." — Acts 13:41 Chris and Benito begin...

8 Huhti 20181h 18min

Episode 0: I've Been To My Share of Pizza Parties

Episode 0: I've Been To My Share of Pizza Parties

"Then, even if your beginnings were modest, your final days will be full of prosperity." -- Job 8:7 Welcome to Apocrypals, the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but aren't, you k...

29 Maalis 201842min

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