67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Kesä 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

Bonus: Biblical Mini-Golf

Bonus: Biblical Mini-Golf

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8 Touko 20251h 9min

117: King Solomon's Hog (The Second Book of Chronicles, feat. Aaron Higashi)

117: King Solomon's Hog (The Second Book of Chronicles, feat. Aaron Higashi)

Yes, Theophiloi, that quote at the top of the show is actually in Bible. Like, full canon Bible that you can find in the back of the pew or the hotel room drawer. I was surprised too, but you know who...

18 Helmi 20251h 51min

116: It's His BIRTHDAY, Be Nice! (The Revelation of the Magi)

116: It's His BIRTHDAY, Be Nice! (The Revelation of the Magi)

O come, all ye Theophiloi, joyful and triumphant, to the final Apocrypals episode of 2024! We two kings of podcasting are reading a story about a talking star as we dive into the Revelation of the Mag...

22 Joulu 20241h 46min

115: Hell Is The Big Show (The Life of St. Christina the Astonishing)

115: Hell Is The Big Show (The Life of St. Christina the Astonishing)

CONTENT WARNING: Our discussion of St. Christina includes mention of self-harm and mental illness. It's Halloween, TheoKILLoi, and that means it's time once again for our annual tradition of Haints a...

27 Loka 20241h 39min

114: Sin-onyms, The Devil's Argument (The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity)

114: Sin-onyms, The Devil's Argument (The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity)

If you learn nothing else from our show, Theophiloi, let it be this: Never send a cow to do a leopard's job. This, for the record, is not a metaphor, it's the lesson that we learn from the passion of ...

3 Loka 20241h 45min

113: Jaoel Instant Messenger (The Apocalypse of Abraham)

113: Jaoel Instant Messenger (The Apocalypse of Abraham)

Grab your turtledoves and get to stranglin', Theophiloi, because we're taking another trip to the Seventh Firmament, and this time we're bringing good ol' Father Abraham in the years before he had his...

5 Syys 20241h 50min

112: Approximate Week VI: The Undiscovered Country

112: Approximate Week VI: The Undiscovered Country

Leave cookies and milk for the werewolves and a thorn bush on your doorstep for St. Benedict, Theophiloi, because it's Approximate Week once again! We're celebrating the eight nights between our birth...

17 Elo 20242h 37min

111: All Skips No Hits (1 Chronicles)

111: All Skips No Hits (1 Chronicles)

Open your ears to hear, Theophiloi! Your humble Sons of Thunder are back in style with a return to the show and to Canon Bible, just in time to kick off your Approximate Week celebrations! As promised...

9 Elo 20241h 28min

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