67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Kesä 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

92:  Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus's Wife)

92: Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus's Wife)

I think you'll agree, Theophiloi, that while texts containing actual stories about things like 12' werewolf saints and angel jacuzzis are nice, the real action here on our goodtime comedy podcast is i...

11 Heinä 20211h 35min

91:  The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)

91: The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault with regards to the story of Amnon and Tamar, beginning right after the ad break and ending at 26:00. If I had to rank them, Theophi...

27 Kesä 20211h 26min

90: Worfin' the Lions  (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)

90: Worfin' the Lions (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)

If you told me three years ago, Theophiloi, that the most famous king in Bible was not in the book called "Kings" but was instead in the part named after a dude who is neither present nor alive for th...

6 Kesä 20211h 26min

89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

You may be wondering, Theophiloi, how we could possibly talk for over 90 minutes about 1 Samuel, which contains one of the Bible stories that literally everyone knows. And yes, you almost certainly kn...

23 Touko 20211h 41min

88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)

88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)

We weren't kidding, Theophiloi. We actually did a full-length commentary track for The Da Vinci Code (2006, Dir. Ron Howard). Did you know this movie is almost two and a half hours long? Because we di...

9 Touko 20212h 40min

87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)

87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)

We're finishing up our third anniversary special this week, Theophiloi, and the sheer weirdness of Enoch's new career has gotten vast enough to fill a myriad of parasangs. You might've thought you wer...

18 Huhti 20211h 36min

86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)

86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)

Do me a favor, Theophiloi. Take a moment and write down the number of eyes, wings, and faces, that you think angels have, bearing in mind that you listen to this show and we know you know that two, tw...

4 Huhti 20211h 51min

85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)

85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)

As it is written in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Theophiloi: futility. Utter futility. That's what we get from trying to influence the farce that is Lent Madness to get our pick, St. Dunstan, all the way...

21 Maalis 20211h 26min

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