67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Kesä 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

69: Thirst Corinthians (The Lives of St. Mary of Egypt and St. Pelagia)

69: Thirst Corinthians (The Lives of St. Mary of Egypt and St. Pelagia)

Under normal circumstances, Theophiloi, ladytype saints tend to become so by not having any adult fun at all and then calling Jesus lightning down on man-eating seals or exploding and teleporting thei...

26 Heinä 20201h 45min

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we c...

12 Heinä 20201h 36min

66: JeSuS With Two Cool Ses (The Acts of Thomas and his Wonderworking Skin)

66: JeSuS With Two Cool Ses (The Acts of Thomas and his Wonderworking Skin)

Pack your bags, Theophiloi, because we're going on a trip to India with Thomas, the Second Christ, who works hard and flays harder. Thanks to Dr. Tony Burke and his new book, New Testament Apocrypha V...

14 Kesä 20201h 17min

65: Adonai is Ichiban! (The Book of Deuteronomy)

65: Adonai is Ichiban! (The Book of Deuteronomy)

Can you believe we're stuck in this elevator together, Theophiloi? I guess there's nothing we can do but pass the time with the clip show episode of Torah while we wait for the power to come back on. ...

3 Kesä 20201h 51min

64: Spiritual Warfare Is Good, Actually (Bible Adventures and the Wisdom Tree catalogue)

64: Spiritual Warfare Is Good, Actually (Bible Adventures and the Wisdom Tree catalogue)

It's our Nintendo 64th episode, Theophiloi, so we're taking a break from our usual Book study to dive into the least canonical Bible-adjace content we can! Not approved by the church, not approved by ...

18 Touko 20201h 50min

63: Wist Not To Whom Ne Whither (The Lives of St. Roche and St. Guinefort)

63: Wist Not To Whom Ne Whither (The Lives of St. Roche and St. Guinefort)

You know who doesn't come off very well in Bible, Theophiloi? Dogs. This week, though, our canine pals get a little bit of redemption as we dive into the hagiographies of two sterling examples of Son ...

6 Touko 20201h 39min

62: Oh, the Jews' Manatees! (The Book of Numbers)

62: Oh, the Jews' Manatees! (The Book of Numbers)

One thing you have to say for the Book of Numbers, Theophiloi: it is exactly what it says in the title. Well, most of it is, anyway. Mixed in with all the census totals and step-by-step MapQuest direc...

19 Huhti 20201h 37min

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