68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)
Apocrypals12 Heinä 2020

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.

Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).

Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

53: Maccabees 3: Elephant Drift (The Third Book of Maccabees)

53: Maccabees 3: Elephant Drift (The Third Book of Maccabees)

Happy Hanukkah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to the action-packed saga of the Dynasty of God's Resisters! Ptolemy (not that one, the one who loves daddy) is causing some trouble in Alexandria, and by ...

8 Joulu 20191h 1min

51: Apocrypals Chris And Benito (The Book of Ecclesiastes)

51: Apocrypals Chris And Benito (The Book of Ecclesiastes)

CONTENT WARNING: This week's book deals with some pretty depressing ideas, which leads us to discuss depression and, briefly, suicide. Absolute futility, Theophiloi. That's what we're dealing with thi...

24 Marras 20191h 33min

51: Jesus, Buffy (Halloween Chick Tracts)

51: Jesus, Buffy (Halloween Chick Tracts)

It's the spookiest day of the year, TheAWFULoi, and your humble Sons of ThUNDEAD are back at it with a deep dive into our least canonical selection: the evangelizing comic book tracts of Jack T. Chick...

29 Loka 20191h 33min

50: The TERF of Babylon (The Revelation of John)

50: The TERF of Babylon (The Revelation of John)

It's our 50th episode, Theophiloi, and that means it's time to get Apocalyptic! Join us as we embark on an extra-sized episode covering the fever dreams of Johnny Patmo. Witness the opening of the Sev...

2 Loka 20192h 34min

49: Wajesus (The First, Second, and Third Epistles of John)

49: Wajesus (The First, Second, and Third Epistles of John)

Brace yourselves, Theophiloi, because this episode is a Triple-Epistle! (Tripistle?) Your humble Sons of Thunder are taking on not one, not two, but all three of the extremely short Johannine Epistles...

16 Syys 20191h 23min

48: The Almighty Ambush Bear (The Book of Lamentations)

48: The Almighty Ambush Bear (The Book of Lamentations)

Spoiler warning, Theophiloi, but it turns out that the Book of Lamentations is, in fact, actually a straight up book just full of lamentations. Jeremiah is back and surprisingly less wordy, so join us...

28 Elo 20191h 14min

47: Approximate Week II: The Quickening (The Syriac Infancy Gospel)

47: Approximate Week II: The Quickening (The Syriac Infancy Gospel)

You're invited to the holiest eight nights of the Apocrypals calendar, dear Theophiloi! It's Approximate Week, aka our mutual birthday! if you're looking for a gift, we have a recommendation for you: ...

21 Elo 20191h 25min

46: CTRL-Z On A Murder (The Acts of John)

46: CTRL-Z On A Murder (The Acts of John)

Listen at your own risk, Theophiloi, for this is our most curséd episode yet! We lost our first recording, our second only made it six minutes in, and our third... Well, at this point we're just hopin...

9 Elo 20191h 38min

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