68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)
Apocrypals12 Heinä 2020

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.

Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).

Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

37: Bigger Esther (The Book of Esther and Greek Esther)

37: Bigger Esther (The Book of Esther and Greek Esther)

Get ready to put on your costume, give money to the poor, and get tore up from the floor up, Theophiloi, because it's Purim time! Join us for the story of Esther, a uniquely God-free entry into Bible ...

20 Maalis 20191h 18min

36: GRAZACHAM! (The Life of St. Patrick)

36: GRAZACHAM! (The Life of St. Patrick)

Top o' the mornin' to ye, Theophiloi! In honor of his verdant feast day, we're taking a look at the life of Saint Patrick! Witness as he comes out of his cage and does just fine bringing Christianity ...

12 Maalis 20191h 34min

35: Down in the Donkey Hole (The Book of Exodus, Part Two)

35: Down in the Donkey Hole (The Book of Exodus, Part Two)

Take heed, Theophiloi, because we have some intense and highly specific requirements for your upcoming tabernacle construction this week. That's right: we've wandered out of the narrative section of E...

3 Maalis 20191h 47min

34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)

34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)

Happy Valentine's Day, Theophiloi, and might I just say, you're looking good today. Hair like goats, teeth like sheep, just dripping with myrrh... yes, all your parts are in very sexy condition. What'...

24 Helmi 20191h 17min

33: Thicc Darkness (The Book of Exodus, Part One)

33: Thicc Darkness (The Book of Exodus, Part One)

Get your shoes on and don't you dare leaven that bread, Theophiloi, because it's time to dive into the Book of Exodus! In this episode, we cover the first 18 chapters, including Moses's surprisingly v...

10 Helmi 20191h 33min

32: Return of the Twelve-Foot Volcel Lion (Questions & Answers)

32: Return of the Twelve-Foot Volcel Lion (Questions & Answers)

Just so you know, Theophiloi, both of us have definitely read the Book of Exodus, as planned. Definitely. Especially me. Remember Pharaoh? And how about that Moses, huh? Anyway, this week, we're takin...

3 Helmi 20191h 38min

31: Yartzed Upon a Distant Shore (The Book of Jonah)

31: Yartzed Upon a Distant Shore (The Book of Jonah)

Greetings, Theophiloi, from your ever-punctual Sons of Thunder! We're back this week to answer the question of whether we can talk for an hour about exactly four pages (and 47 verses) of Bible. It's t...

24 Tammi 20191h 12min

30: Apples and Oranges (The Legend of the Three Kings)

30: Apples and Oranges (The Legend of the Three Kings)

We're back for 2019, and on the off chance that we didn't have enough of them already, get ready for a couple new Johns. Specifically, we're celebrating Epiphany with Of Hildesheim's 14th-century book...

7 Tammi 20191h 39min

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