68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)
Apocrypals12 Heinä 2020

68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)

Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.

Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).

Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

77: The Blessed Voltrons (The Lives of St. Catherine and St. Barbara)

77: The Blessed Voltrons (The Lives of St. Catherine and St. Barbara)

Advent continues apace, Theophiloi, and we're celebrating with two of the most famous and popular lady saints, St. Barbara and St. Catherine! Babs and Cathy are here to visit total ruination upon the ...

15 Marras 20201h 40min

76: Filling the Room (The Life of St. Martin)

76: Filling the Room (The Life of St. Martin)

If you thought the Song of Solomon was going to be a tough one for us to get through with our "Clean" tag intact, Theophiloi, brace yourselves for the Life of St. Martin. With a translation that almos...

1 Marras 20201h 47min

75: Lazer Babies (The Apocalypse of Peter)

75: Lazer Babies (The Apocalypse of Peter)

Happy Halloween, DRACULA-philoi, and pre-SCARE to have your sins counted as we descend once more into HELL! Specifically the Hell described in the Apocalypse of Simon "The Rock" Peter, in which everyo...

18 Loka 20201h 27min

74: Howl of the Ostrich (The Books of Micah and Nahum)

74: Howl of the Ostrich (The Books of Micah and Nahum)

If you've ever read Bible and thought "hey, this is great but I wish it had dudes just unleashing straight metaphorical fire on workers of iniquity," then allow your humble Sons of Thunder to introduc...

4 Loka 20201h 4min

73: Be Courageous! (The Book of Joshua)

73: Be Courageous! (The Book of Joshua)

Happy New Year, Theophiloi! That's right, it's Rosh Hashanah time, and we are 100% Done In 5781™. Also done? Joshua, whose journey to become the second Moses is going to take him down the path of mass...

20 Syys 20201h 39min

72: Cold Brew Paul (Paul's Letter to the Galatians)

72: Cold Brew Paul (Paul's Letter to the Galatians)

One half of your humble Sons of Thunder is joining you from real-for-real quarantine, dear Theophiloi, but that won't stop us from griping our way through our first canonical New Testament book of thi...

6 Syys 20201h 25min

71: Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (The War Scroll)

71: Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (The War Scroll)

If you seek birthdays, Theophiloi, prepare for war — the War Scroll, that is! As we celebrate the Approximate Week between our two personal nativities, we dive into the Dead Sea Scrolls for the first ...

23 Elo 20201h 29min

70: Two Firkin Bored (The Letter of Aristeas)

70: Two Firkin Bored (The Letter of Aristeas)

Having trouble sleeping, Theophiloi? Well here's an evangelion for you: this episode covers a letter written by the most boring person to ever cover a miracle. Get ready for intense table measurements...

9 Elo 20201h 34min

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