#21: 3 Tips to Not F**k it Up the First Date!

What are the TOP 3 topics I recommend you avoid as a dating coach2? Here they are:

Previous Relationships: I speak from experience on this one. Yes, even as a relationship coach I have made several mistakes while dating which is why I can speak to them. Do NOT talk about your previous relationships. When you do that, it is possible the person you are on a date with will feel like you haven't moved past your last relationship. That also can be interpreted as, "you don’t get over things easily." Aside from that, its just not sexy! A big part of the first date is exploring your connection and chemistry, hijacking each others imagination and becoming excited for the possibilities (future dates, adventures, sex, etc.) If you are focused on the past, you are not present in the moment and you are also blocking the potential of a future.

Finances: I feel like this goes without saying, but believe me when I tell you, this comes up often in my 1:1 coaching sessions when someone is trying to figure out why they didn’t land a second date. Money is a sensitive subject for most people due to the fact that we live in a society that equates success to financial wealth. Every relationship is different and therefore, the experience is subjective. I am basing this off my experience as a coach and working with couples that have struggled with this in their relationship. So, talking about income, assets, etc. is off the table… especially for a first date. If your focus is on finances, that brings into question your motive for dating. Is it to truly connect?

Commitment: As a love coach, I think the conversation around commitment is SUPER important, however, there is a time and a place. If you are someone who has experienced this or done this on a first date, then you know what I am talking about. It's not likely the person will get up from the table and walk away, but it's not likely they will want to lock down a second date. Why? The conversation comes off as you being needy, clingy, or maybe even a little anxious in your attachment style. First dates are intended to just enjoy each others company and really feel things out (not literally… remember, no sex on the first date.) Keep in mind, if you have followed my advice on dating, then you going on a first date with someone who is aligned with your expectations and therefore, this is no need to talk about future commitment. Be present. I also understand that for a lot of you, this might be your 100th 1st date and you don’t want to waste your time. Keep in mind, this may not be their 100th date and I would hate for you to go into the date with a negative mentality. True connection only happens when open ourselves up to the possibilities and allow ourselves to be unapologetically ourselves.

Chapters:

Intro

00:01

Let's talk about Queer culture and the reason behind a lot of failed dating experiences

00:57

Hooking up is off limits on the first date in my book

4:51

3 topics to avoid on a first date

07:08

Don't talk about finances

11:42

Don't talk about commitment

14:30

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