18. Daddy’s Home: The Battlefield of Birth--The Narcissistic Parent and his Apprenticeship

Please listen to this episode. It is the most difficult set of stories I’ve offered you because of the raw truths and violent moments I’ve heretofore never enunciated. How does the child make it through all the violence and trauma she is subjected to while in the womb? How does she develop in the very early years? Although the entire 22-year marriage to the psychopath, Dr. Mario was replete unspeakable horrors, there were years in each location (New Mexico, Vermont, Peaks Island, Oakland, CA) which were filled particularly grotesque acts of sadism but Dr Mario.

You now can hear how “Monster Stories” was coined by Dr. Mario as he spoke and wrote about himself for years. I share parts of myriad recordings and notes on the podcast where he openly identifies himself as a Monster and a, Not a Monster (you already have heard how confused and subhuman these creatures are). What a world it would be if boundaries were enforced between narcissists and non-narcissists/socio/psychopaths, rather than determined by ethnic and religious difference; religion and ethnicity so inconsequential in comparison to the danger of narcissism.

Here, I speak of the way narcissism impacted me and my little daughter from the time I found I was pregnant. What is it like to go through a gestational period knowing deafening decibels of violence daily? What might it be like to be felled as an embryo daily on gravel, concrete, hard ground? The pregnancy becomes a battlefield where the mother is in a constant fight or flight mode. She is living on adrenaline (cortisol flowing through her body); trauma is the constancy; melancholia is the atmosphere; the baby grows for nine months on the front lines and is born in the trenches (this trauma applies to a father who has a borderline wife as well).

Why doesn’t the mother (OR father) of a narcissistic/psychopath/sociopath/borderline mate simply leave? Does one every simply leave a narcissistic mate? NO. If you’ve been with a narcissist, how many times have you had to respond this ridiculously ignorant question?

Think, my listeners: Glen Close in Fatal Attraction, Jack Nicholson in The Shining, The Talented Mr. Ripley(Patricia Highsmith) -- How easy was it for the prey to rid themselves of these superior and practiced narcissists? Not easy is the answer, in case you still were wondering.

Reclamation of a life creatively lived after being with a narcissist or in extremis, a psychopath, is a heroic feat (and may positively impact the child who has been indoctrinated into narcissism by the sick parent).

Please see www. monsterstoriespodcast.com for further notes and links to books, essays, films that I mention on this podcast.

This podcast is a production of Honestly Speaking LLC. Suzann Kole, Ph.D. has worked in academe and the mental health field for over 40 years. She holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and Narrative Studies (an area of linguistics).