Paddle Bored to Death (Lifetime Movie)

This week’s Lifetime movie — the accurately titled, “Deep Blue Nightmare” — has Sarah and Mary questioning if Lifetime really knows much about the ocean, maritime safety, or life in general. Guys, it really was a nightmare. Mary’s convinced they sourced the shark from a Chuck E. Cheese robot graveyard, and she will never accept that anyone would choose to kayak in open seas - especially for hours at a time. Sarah is jazzed with Michael Madsen’s appearance, but is puzzled as to why he’s constantly calmly seated at a kitchen table while his daughter is being circled by a Great White — not to mention his extremely limited understanding of leaving rambling messages on dying cell phones. Sarah and Mary also agree that bringing a makeup artist to an underwater photo shoot is pointless.

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