215 SelfWork: Ten Fears You Choose to Face When You Risk Giving Up Control

215 SelfWork: Ten Fears You Choose to Face When You Risk Giving Up Control

Today’s podcast is one that, if you’ve been listening to SelfWork for a while, you know that this topic has been my own personal passion – as it’s closely aligned with my work on perfectly hidden depression. We’ll talk about ten fears you face when you choose to give up or ease out of being or looking as if you're in total control.

Those ten fears are:

  • The fear of vulnerabilty
  • The fear of uncertainty or unpredictability
  • The fear of facing the past
  • The fear of your anger exploding as it's been long suppressed
  • The fear of not being able to forgive yourself/your imperfections
  • The fear of there being no other way to succeed
  • The fear of rejection
  • The fear of not being needed
  • The fear of being wrong
  • The fear of intimacy

The listener email comes from a graduate psychology student whose experiencing greater and greater insecurity as the end of her training approaches. She wants to know if I felt the same way and what recommendations I could make. How do you bolster your self-confidence when you can’t measure the success of your efforts?

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Episode 214 with Lewis Howes

Elliot Cohen Psychology Today article

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism or need for control which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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513 SelfWork: Inside A Psych Ward: A New Book by JaKob Williams, Chock Full of Nuts

513 SelfWork: Inside A Psych Ward: A New Book by JaKob Williams, Chock Full of Nuts

You may never have been on the inside of a psych ward. In his new book, JaKob Williams takes you there. Or at least, he takes you to his version of a residential psych ward. He's an interesting guy....

28 Elo 42min

512 SelfWork: CBT for Insomnia and Its 100% Effective Cure: Dr. Nick Wignall

512 SelfWork: CBT for Insomnia and Its 100% Effective Cure: Dr. Nick Wignall

Dr. Nick Wignall continues as Dr. Margaret's guest this week, as we switch from focusing on emotional fitness to the 100% effective CBT tool for curing insomnia, called sleep compression. It's hard t...

21 Elo 28min

511 SelfWork: Emotional Fitness and Being The Hero Of Your Own Life: Dr. Nick Wignall

511 SelfWork: Emotional Fitness and Being The Hero Of Your Own Life: Dr. Nick Wignall

Dr. Nick Wignall speaks about the vital importance of emotional fitness and becoming the hero of your life. This whole concept is intriguing and suggests that finding and maintaining your own sense of...

14 Elo 34min

510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Secrets

510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Secrets

This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5th, 2026 – the first episode of the new Ted Lasso season was released. Today, we're going to focus on the meaning of so many of Ted Lasso chara...

7 Elo 21min

509 SelfWork: EMDR Therapy: How It Can Help Fill Emptiness and Release Grief with Dr. Laurel Parnell

509 SelfWork: EMDR Therapy: How It Can Help Fill Emptiness and Release Grief with Dr. Laurel Parnell

EMDR Therapy is known for its treatment of trauma. Dr. Laurel Parnell teaches and demonstrates how it can be healing for emptiness and grief - when relationships were never loving and for when they're...

31 Heinä 43min

508 SelfWork: The Eye-Opening Grief of Disillusionment and Heartbreak

508 SelfWork: The Eye-Opening Grief of Disillusionment and Heartbreak

Disillusionment is defined in psychology as a "belief collapse." And the grief that that implosion can cause can be very hard to work through. Today's focus will be on how to do just that - get throu...

24 Heinä 20min

507 SelfWork: How to Effectively Talk To A Perfectionist

507 SelfWork: How to Effectively Talk To A Perfectionist

The subject for today is how to talk with a perfectionist about your concern for them. Or if you’re the perfectionist, how to allow someone into your world enough for you to hear that concern. I'll of...

17 Heinä 22min

506 SelfWork: Therapy Harm: Straight Talk with Dr. Patricia Dixon

506 SelfWork: Therapy Harm: Straight Talk with Dr. Patricia Dixon

Today psychologist and mental health advocate Dr. Patricia Dixon is shedding light on the often misunderstood concept of “therapy harm.” She explains what it is, how it can happen even with the best i...

10 Heinä 39min

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