Anxious and Avoidant in Relationship: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

Anxious and Avoidant in Relationship: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

We all have different needs for closeness and distance, for intimacy and independence. You might have heard terms like anxious or avoidant attachment to describe this, and these tendencies can create challenges - particularly when people with different needs try to relate to each other. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we're drawn to people who activate our insecurities, how anxiety manifests differently in "pursuers" versus "distancers," and what we can all do to work with our natural tendencies more skillfully. They discuss common relationship patterns, why pursuers usually receive more blame than distancers, schizoid personalities, and practical ways to break free from entrenched patterns. Rick’s Yearly Program: Rick’s Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like mindfulness, motivation, and confidence. It’s currently on sale, and if you like Being Well we think you’ll love it. Follow the link here and use coupon code beingwell20 for an additional 20% off: RickHanson.com/FWB You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Key characteristics of pursuers and distancers 9:25: Demands and reassurance 13:35: Assigning blame, and gender stereotypes 20:40: Why opposites attract, the power of small wins, and changing ourselves 31:15: The distancer 40:45: Finding motivation to identify common ground with our partner 54:30: The pursuer 1:00:00: Self-consciousness and ego 1:02:10: Brave questions to ask in your relationship 1:07:00: Recap I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Healing from Parentification: When the “Gifted Child” Grows Up

Healing from Parentification: When the “Gifted Child” Grows Up

Some kids learn early on that the way to be loved is to be useful. They take on the emotional or practical care of their parents in a process known as parentification, and today Dr. Rick and Forrest e...

20 Heinä 1h 15min

Understanding Dissociation and DID: What It's Really Like, and How People Recover w/ Dr. Milissa Kaufman and Dr. Lauren Lebois

Understanding Dissociation and DID: What It's Really Like, and How People Recover w/ Dr. Milissa Kaufman and Dr. Lauren Lebois

Most of what people know about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) comes from movies and short videos, and those media portrayals often have little to do with what DID is actually like. To get the re...

13 Heinä 1h 26min

From Insight to Action: How to Face the Fear You Keep Avoiding

From Insight to Action: How to Face the Fear You Keep Avoiding

Dr. Rick and Forrest continue last week’s conversation on avoidance coping, this time focusing on how to move from insight into meaningful action. They explore why self-awareness often isn’t enough to...

6 Heinä 1h 15min

Breaking the Avoidance Loop: Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns

Breaking the Avoidance Loop: Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns

We all have patterns we can see clearly…and still can't seem to stop. Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how avoidance fuels these patterns, and how we can break the avoidance loop by updating our expectati...

29 Kesä 1h 7min

The Secret to Happiness: How to Feel Loved with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky

The Secret to Happiness: How to Feel Loved with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky

Forrest is joined by one of the world's leading happiness researchers, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, to discuss the real secret to happiness: feeling loved. Dr. Lyubomirsky explains the key difference betwee...

22 Kesä 1h 14min

How to Repair: The Key to Successful Relationships

How to Repair: The Key to Successful Relationships

Last week, Dr. Rick and Forrest discussed why healthy conflict is a vital part of strong and intimate relationships. Today, they focus on the how-to of effective repair: what it looks like, why it’s s...

15 Kesä 1h 24min

Healthy Conflict: The Most Important Relationship Skill We Don’t Learn

Healthy Conflict: The Most Important Relationship Skill We Don’t Learn

Most of us are pretty bad at conflict, usually because we weren’t taught how to handle it well. But healthy conflict can be one of the best ways to deepen intimacy and trust. In this episode Dr. Rick ...

8 Kesä 1h 4min

The Gut-Brain Connection: Anxiety, Depression, and Wellness Fads with Dr. Trisha Pasricha

The Gut-Brain Connection: Anxiety, Depression, and Wellness Fads with Dr. Trisha Pasricha

Forrest is joined by neurogastroenterologist Dr. Trisha Pasricha for a conversation about the gut-brain connection, including how gut health impacts our mood and mental health. Dr. Pasricha explains h...

1 Kesä 1h 4min

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