Superpowers

http://polaroid41.com/superpowers/

Monday October 21st, 2019 - 11:11am

In the drawings saved from my childhood something strikes me : I always drew my mom as bigger than everyone else. I am thinking of one drawing in particular, a drawing of my mom, my dad and me…. my dad and I are drawn off to the side of her, only somewhat detailed and rather small, and my mom is drawn in the middle of the page, taking up almost all of the blank space, a dress like a rainbow, flowing hair, a crown on her head and absolutely larger than life. When I look at that drawing, I feel like it says it all. MOM! The center of my universe.

Some thirty years later, I am a mother myself and I understand the privilege and the weight of the role in a way I never could before. I don’t have a crown, but I wear an invisible cape. My invisible supermama cape. When I wear it I become : the finder of things, the kisser of booboos, the schedule keeper, the hair smoother, the homework superviser, the question answerer, the bath giver, the nose blower, the listener, the cuddler. My arms are open and so are my eyes: on the lookout, analyzing every situation, ready to ward off danger, ready for anything.

In the morning, before even opening my eyes, I reach for my invisible cape. Most days start with my husband carrying our long-legged sleepy bundle of a six-year-old to our room for a cuddle with mama. I hear them coming and I get my cape and I’m ready. My cape is always nearby, at the first tentative “Mama???” in the darkest middle of the night I can go from a dead sleep to my son’s bedside in 3 seconds flat, cape on and ready : is he sick? scared? lost his doudous? had a bad dream? I’m here, honey, I’m here, mommy’s here, you’re ok, I’m here.

And that’s the magic of the early motherhood years, those words : “you’re ok, I’m here” are so true and real. His middle of the night worries and troubles can be vanquished just by my being there, everything is ok because I said it’s ok. Talk about having superpowers.

Yes, being a mother is such a privilege and it has grown and stretched my heart in unimaginable ways.

But sometimes, at 9pm - after dinner time and please eat your vegetables, that is enough ketchup, carry your plate to the kitchen please, carry it with two hands, let’s brush your teeth, yes we have to brush your teeth, get your pyjamas on, pyjamas ! pyjamas ! carry your clothes to the laundry room please, don’t throw your clothes! just carry them! WALK!, pick your story, which story do you want, ok one more story, ok now it’s really time to go to bed, it’s getting really late now, ok here is some water, your bug bite is really itchy? you really need some cream on it? ok, come here, ok now get back to your bed, climb up, you want a fluffier pillow? this is your regular pillow! it is fluffy! how much fluffier do you want?!, ok seriously it is really really really TIME FOR BED !!!” - at moments like that I so, so badly want to take off my cape, set down the responsibility and clock out. I am so close to the finish line and I just want to be done. I am done. I have nothing left to give. The bottom of the barrel has been scraped, I am DONE.

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Polaroid photo and full text available at: http://polaroid41.com/superpowers/