Practice the Pause

In her famous and controversial book Bringing Up Bébé, the author Pamela Druckerman talks about Le Pause—The Pause—as the secret to French parenting, and their sleep-trained infants. Basically, instead of rushing in as soon as their kids start to cry, French parents pause. They wait a few minutes, understanding that newborns often cry between sleep cycles, and that if you disrupt them (even to comfort them) you are actually preventing them from learning how to sleep.

Sleep training is a polarizing and controversial topic among parents, so let’s not even go there. Instead, let’s take a minute to consider that le pause can actually be a great strategy for dads in all facets of their kids life.

When you son trips and falls, do you need to rush over as if it was a life or death emergency? Or can you pause, and let him figure out how hurt he is first, whether he wants or needs to cry?

When your daughter comes over and starts to tell you something, do you have to try to help her explain what she is saying? Or can you pause and let her struggle with the words, and learn how to say it on her own?

When your teenager explains why they want to quit the track team, why start arguing right away? Can you pause and let them propose what they want to do instead?

When your wife messes up or scratches the car or is rude, what if you didn’t get upset? Can you pause and consider all the things on her plate? And how it almost certainly wasn’t intentional?

If one of your kids calls to tell you that they are gay or getting a divorce or are in some kind of trouble, do you need to say anything at all right away? Or can you pause? Can you suspend judgement and just listen? And just be there?

Practice the pause.

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