How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss

In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology. Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships. This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://athleticgreens.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/hubermanlab Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss 00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up 00:08:33 Choosing a Mate 00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires 00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates 00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History 00:32:20 Deception in Courtship 00:37:30 Emotional Stability 00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest 00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects 00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching 00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference 00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment 00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity 01:04:35 Contraception 01:06:22 Status & Mating Success 01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence 01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence 01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc. 01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy 01:33:25 Stalking 01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments 01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity 01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships 01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth 02:02:12 Self Deception 02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience 02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks 02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements Disclaimer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices