ValenTIMES-Episode 98-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

If you gonna hate then suck our stuff! Yeah, dawg.  Tommy looks strong in his gold and purple tank top and Stella Grooves noticed at Crate & Barrell - how will Christina respond?!? Which Braxton are you today? It's fun way to start the day to break down which of the Braxton sisters you're feeling like. Plus we sing the Braxton Values theme song. Do we sing perfectly? Eventually, yes.  Calling all cars! Calling all cars! We have denim emergency! Peter Caine is on the phone. You did not misunderstand - PETER CAINE is on the phone. Get ready to clear the air OR stir it up? Listen and find out the real story behind Caine and his madness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Loka 20141h 15min

Hope there are still no carnists listening to our show, but if there are, stop now. Otherwise picture Tommy's tongue licking the air and put whatever you want there. Also, listen to songs about it.  Did you spend time with your father lately? Did he orgasm in front of you? We sure hope so. Tommy's dad, Top Dog, is back with some great advice on, you guessed it, some BROWN TALK. We have an original song that's gonna blow your jeans off, plus some Asian talk that sounds eerily familiar. Paging Sharkeisha - Honey are you there?!? If you loosen your jeans for this episode you'll never forgive yourself.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

17 Loka 20141h 25min

Get your dad ready to orgasm - it's LIVE from Man Fran Disco (San Francisco)! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Loka 20141h 41min

This episode is for Vegan's only!! Carnists are not allowed to listen. SORRY!  Now that it's only us, picture Tommy kissing your thighs. Feel better? GOOOOOOD. Why do people over 50 refuse to drink water? Water is in us and everywhere around us. Maybe they are just wiser and know that nothing satisfies your bodies cravings for hydration and nutrients like Diet Coke. It tastes good and it's good for you. Especially post-workout.  Do you remember your father's funeral? How many orgasms did you have staring at his corpse? We found someone that may have been more aroused than you and it's ALL TIME CLASSIC MOM mode already. Get ready to cry from joy and from your relentless orgasms on this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10 Loka 20141h 6min

POP! Pimp Squad for life, baby! If you can't see, then that should be your story and you should always say that no matter who asks you what. You know what we're sayin, you feel us, know what we're talking about?   Kentucky Jeans and Momlando Jeans were worn this weekend - get the breakdown, Gawd. Plus Tina explains what that drop about God and blessing is all about. Do you watch comedy? Does it ever upset you. Please blog and share in detail how you feel and your disappointment about it. Even if you laughed, somewhere inside you there is surely something to complain about.  And we have a song that we can only WISH came from a listener - Maybe it did??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Loka 20141h 9min

Ohhhh Jeans! We're Back! Tommy pulled up his sick, barking jeans and coughs and blows his nose throughout the show just to remind you that he sacrifices so much for her.  Tina is VERY surprised to hear a series of NEW drops in her honor! Can you guess what they are? They are blessed indeed.  Be sure to relax on this one as the smooth sounds of Crapzo and Manwelle and White Tigress penetrate your soul - choose whichever one best suits your needs.  Plus we give you the 411 on the Segura Family Cruise. What's that? Were family genitals shared? Mmmm-hmmm. Plus some WOULD YOU RATHERS and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

3 Loka 20141h 14min

Well, we were about to do a new episode but then Tommy went off and got sick like a big, ol dumb bear. Now he's on bed rest and we have to delay our return for another day.  Please enjoy this Classic episode which has the origins of F****n Camp! among other Tourettes Classics! This is high quality denim we have here.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

1 Loka 20141h 40min

Oh meowmy, does she miss us? Our vacation is almost over, but we didn't forget about you. Here's one more classic pair of jeans for you and you guessed it, it's amazing.  Once again, this episode features Top Dog and BROWN and it's epic. We hope you took care of your teeth while we were gone. We're going to check each of your toothbrushes to make sure of it, Theo. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

26 Syys 20141h 10min