147. Writing About Your Neurodiverse (ex)Partner featuring Eleanor Vincent

Eleanor Vincent joins Let’s Talk Memoir for a conversation about trying to save her challenging high conflict marriage, autism in adults and Cassandra Syndrome, what to leave out of a book, self-revelation and honest grappling, the toll of masking autism, emotional abuse, careful framing of those we write about, using a sensitivity reader, support groups for neurodiverse spouses, our narrating personas, writing fearless first drafts, disguising identities and biographical details to protect those we write about, and her new memoir Disconnected: Portrait of a Neurodiverse Marriage.

Ronit’s upcoming memoir course: https://www.pce.uw.edu/courses/memoir-writing-finding-your-story

Also in this episode:

-complex trauma

-hyperfocus

-reading unceasingly

Books mentioned in this episode:

-The Situation and the Story by Vivian Gornick

-Blow Your House Down by Gina Frangello

-You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith

-This American Ex-Wife by Liz Lenz

-Liars by Sarah Manguso

-Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset

-22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome by Rudy Simone

-Books by Anne Patchett

Eleanor Vincent’s new memoir Disconnected: Portrait of a Neurodiverse Marriage is forthcoming from Vine Leaves Press. It tells the story of her gradual discovery that her husband was on the autism spectrum, and of how she tried to save a challenging high-conflict marriage.

Her previous memoir, Swimming with Maya: A Mother’s Story (Dream of Things, 2013) has twice been on the New York Times bestseller list and was nominated for the Independent Publisher of the Year award. Her essays have appeared in anthologies by Creative Nonfiction and This I Believe, the literary magazines 580 Split and Dorothy Parker’s Ashes, as well as shorter pieces in the San Francisco Chronicle, the Sacramento Bee, and Generations Today.

She has an MFA in creative writing from Mills College and is a member of the San Francisco Writers Grotto, Left Margin Lit, and the Author’s Guild. She has taught creative nonfiction seminars at Mills College as a visiting writer and been awarded residencies at Hedgebrook, the Vermont Studio Center, and Writing Between the Vines. She lives in Walnut Creek, California.

Connect with Eleanor:

Website: https://www.eleanorvincent.com/

Book: https://vineleavespress.myshopify.com/products/disconnected-portrait-of-a-neurodiverse-marriage-by-eleanor-vincent

X: https://x.com/eleanorpvincent

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eleanor.vincent/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/eleanor.vincent/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/eleanorpvincent/

Writing the real world Substack: https://eleanorvincent.substack.com/

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Ronit’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer’s Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts’ 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.

She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book.

More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com

Subscribe to Ronit’s Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank

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Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography

Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll’s Fingers