The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

President Trump has chosen John R. Bolton to be his new national security adviser. In 2005, a Republican-controlled Senate committee refused to confirm Mr. Bolton as President George W. Bush’s ambassador to the United Nations. We look back at those confirmation hearings, which portrayed Mr. Bolton as a threat to national security. Guest: Elizabeth Williamson, who writes about Washington in the Trump era for The New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

28 Maalis 201823min

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Eight years ago, the United States and Russia agreed to a spy swap that sent a Russian double agent to safety in Britain. That former spy and his daughter were poisoned by a nerve agent this month, and the Kremlin has been accused of orchestrating the attack. Why did it happen now? Guest: Peter Baker, the chief White House correspondent for The New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

27 Maalis 201821min

Monday, March 26, 2018

Monday, March 26, 2018

As hundreds of thousand of demonstrators prepared to march in Washington in response to the school shooting in Parkland, Fla., students on the South Side of Chicago felt sympathy, but also frustration. Why hadn’t the gun violence in their community earned the nation’s outrage? Guest: Sameen Amin, a senior video producer at The New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

26 Maalis 201823min

Friday, March 23, 2018

Friday, March 23, 2018

For decades, Americans have believed that the best way to end racial inequality is to end class inequality. But a landmark 30-year study is debunking that logic. Guests: Emily Badger, who writes about cities and urban policy for The Upshot; William O. Jawando, who worked in the Obama administration on My Brother’s Keeper, a mentoring initiative for black boys. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

23 Maalis 201826min

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Five days after details about Cambridge Analytica’s mining of data were made public, Mark Zuckerberg, the chief executive of Facebook, broke his silence on his company’s role in the data breach. Minutes after posting a statement on Facebook, he spoke with The New York Times. Guest: Kevin Roose, a business columnist for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

22 Maalis 201820min

Wednesday, Mar. 21, 2018

Wednesday, Mar. 21, 2018

A young Canadian data expert came up with a plan to harvest people’s personal data from Facebook, and to use that information to influence their voting. How did the brains behind Cambridge Analytica become its whistle-blower? Guest: Matthew Rosenberg, a New York Times reporter in Washington. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

21 Maalis 201820min

Tuesday, Mar. 20, 2018

Tuesday, Mar. 20, 2018

President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, facing no real challenger, has been elected to a fourth term, drawing support from more than three-quarters of voters. How is the most powerful man in Russia staying that way? Guest: Steven Lee Myers, a former Moscow bureau chief of The New York Times who covered Mr. Putin’s rise to power and who is the author of “The New Tsar: The Rise and Reign of Vladimir Putin.” For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

20 Maalis 201821min

Monday, Mar. 19, 2018

Monday, Mar. 19, 2018

President Trump called the firing of Andrew G. McCabe, the deputy F.B.I. director, a “great day for democracy.” Mr. McCabe says it’s further evidence of the president’s efforts to undermine the Russia investigation. What really happened? Guest: Matt Apuzzo, a New York Times reporter in Washington. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

19 Maalis 201820min

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