The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Thursday, Oct. 5, 2017

Thursday, Oct. 5, 2017

At least 12 of the weapons found in the hotel suite used by the gunman who killed 58 people in Las Vegas on Sunday had been modified. He used a device called a bump stock, which enables a semiautomatic rifle to fire faster, and can be purchased online. Guest: C. J. Chivers, a New York Times investigative reporter and Marine veteran. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

5 Loka 201721min

Wednesday, Oct. 4, 2017

Wednesday, Oct. 4, 2017

Every mass shooting in the United States is inevitably followed by a call for gun control, but major legislation never passes. We look at how the National Rifle Association became a powerful lobbying group. Also, a gun store owner talks about putting military-style weapons into the hands of civilians. Guests: Robert Draper, a writer at large for The New York Times Magazine; John Markell, the owner of a gun store in Roanoke, Va. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

4 Loka 201730min

Tuesday, Oct. 3, 2017

Tuesday, Oct. 3, 2017

A lone gunman booked a suite at a Las Vegas hotel, took aim at a crowd below and committed one of the deadliest mass shootings in American history. At least 59 people are dead, and more than 500 wounded. President Trump is scheduled to visit the city on Wednesday. Today, Mr. Trump is heading to Puerto Rico to survey the damage from Hurricane Maria. A reporter for The Times discusses what she has seen on the island. Guests: Richard Pérez-Peña, a national reporter for The Times; Frances Robles, a Times correspondent based in Miami. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

3 Loka 201723min

Monday, Oct. 2, 2017

Monday, Oct. 2, 2017

Across the United States, the case could be made that American voters are not choosing their representatives so much as representatives are choosing their voters. As the Supreme Court opens a new session, it turns to a question that, until now, it had been unwilling to resolve: Does drawing the perfect election district violate the Constitution? Guest: Emily Bazelon, a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine, and Dale Schultz, a former state senator in Wisconsin. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily.This episode was updated at 11 a.m. EST. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

2 Loka 201722min

Friday, Sept. 29, 2017

Friday, Sept. 29, 2017

If you are found to be guilty of murder and sane, you could spend 25 years in prison. But if you are found not guilty by reason of insanity, you could be confined to an institution for 587 years. Involuntary confinement in a state psychiatric hospital sometimes becomes a life sentence. Guests: Mac McClelland, a reporter who has written about Houston Herczog, her third cousin who was found not guilty of murdering his father by reason of insanity; Savannah Herczog, Mr. Herczog’s sister, who was at home the night their father was killed; Houston Herczog, who is confined at Napa State Hospital in California. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

29 Syys 201728min

Thursday, Sept. 28, 2017

Thursday, Sept. 28, 2017

The presidency of Donald J. Trump has changed the rules of influence in the nation’s capital, replacing top lobbyists with a group of newcomers and former nobodies. Those newcomers are getting rich. Guest: Nicholas Confessore, a political investigative reporter for The New York Times. He interviewed the lobbyist Robert Stryk for an episode of one of our other podcasts, “The New Washington.” For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

28 Syys 201721min

Wednesday, Sept.27, 2017

Wednesday, Sept.27, 2017

At the height of the 2016 election, exaggerated reports of a brutal crime turned the town of Twin Falls, Idaho, upside down. The fake news has had real consequences. Guest: Caitlin Dickerson, who covers immigration for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

27 Syys 201724min

Tuesday, Sept. 26, 2017

Tuesday, Sept. 26, 2017

President Trump has issued a new order indefinitely banning almost all travel to the United States from several countries, including North Korea. But why is Chad now on the list? Also, how the Supreme Court’s cancellation of arguments on the previous policy could affect a politically charged legal case. Guests: Eric Schmitt, who covers terrorism and national security for The Times; Adam Liptak, who covers the Supreme Court. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

26 Syys 201723min

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