The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Wednesday, Aug 30, 2017

Wednesday, Aug 30, 2017

As a poor, white teenager in Fort Smith, Ark., Abraham Davis never fit in. As a hidden minority there, the town’s Muslims were trying to make a home. Then their lives collided. Plus: the latest from Houston, where the rain keeps falling. Guests: Sabrina Tavernise, a national correspondent for The New York Times; Jacqueline Herrera, a Houston resident who we check back in with. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

30 Elo 201731min

Tuesday, Aug 29, 2017

Tuesday, Aug 29, 2017

By Monday, the third straight day of flooding, Hurricane Harvey had left much of the region underwater, and the city of Houston looked like a sea dotted by islands. We hear from some people in the city about the view from the ground as the waters keep rising. Guests: Alan Blinder, a Times correspondent who has been reporting from Houston; Jacqueline Herrera, who talks to us us from her home in Houston where she is, for now, staying put. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

29 Elo 201720min

Monday, Aug 28, 2017

Monday, Aug 28, 2017

President Trump’s first pardon went to a wildly divisive sheriff from Arizona. So who is Joe Arpaio? And how do presidential pardons work? Guests: Fernanda Santos, the former Phoenix bureau chief of The New York Times; Adam Liptak, our Supreme Court reporter. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

28 Elo 201732min

Friday, Aug. 25,  2017

Friday, Aug. 25, 2017

The feud between President Trump and Jeff Flake, a Republican senator from Arizona, reveals a great deal about tensions in Washington. Guests: Jonathan Martin, a national political correspondent for The Times; Mr. Flake, who you can hear more from in tomorrow’s episode of “The New Washington.” For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

25 Elo 201720min

Thursday, Aug. 24,  2017

Thursday, Aug. 24, 2017

The United States recently noticed something unusual in North Korea’s weapons program: Its missiles started to work. Why? We discuss a surprising discovery. Guest: William J. Broad, who has reported on missile defense for decades. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

24 Elo 201717min

Wednesday, Aug. 23,  2017

Wednesday, Aug. 23, 2017

The president says “things are going to be different” in Afghanistan: no more “nation-building,” just killing terrorists. But a closer examination suggests this new strategy looks a lot like the strategy of the last 16 years. Guest: Matt Rosenberg, who covered Afghanistan from 2008 to 2014. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

23 Elo 201720min

Tuesday, Aug. 22,  2017

Tuesday, Aug. 22, 2017

Derek Black left the white nationalist movement that he had been poised to help lead, betraying his father, a former grand master of the Ku Klux Klan. Today, we talk with him about the events of the past year. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

22 Elo 201734min

Monday, Aug. 21,  2017

Monday, Aug. 21, 2017

Will Stephen K. Bannon use his return to Breitbart News, a right-wing megaphone, to help the president who dismissed him — or to hurt him? And where can he exert more political power: at Breitbart or in the White House? Guest: Jeremy W. Peters, a reporter in the Washington bureau who has covered the so-called alt-right. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

21 Elo 201719min

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