The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Thursday, Aug 10, 2017

Thursday, Aug 10, 2017

In 1999, President Bill Clinton sent an envoy to North Korea for a rare negotiation aimed at stopping the country’s nuclear development. That was the moment, the envoy says, when everything could have gone differently. Guest: William Perry, the secretary of defense from 1994 to 1997, who went on that diplomatic mission. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

10 Elo 201722min

Wednesday, Aug 9, 2017

Wednesday, Aug 9, 2017

From his golf course in New Jersey on Tuesday, President Trump threatened North Korea “fire and fury” and warned that the country “best not make any more threats to the United States.” How should we interpret the latest escalation in tensions with Pyongyang? Plus: Why American law may block the biggest medical breakthrough in decades. Guests: Peter Baker, chief White House correspondent for The Times; Carl Zimmer, who writes about biology and genetics. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

9 Elo 201718min

Tuesday, Aug. 8, 2017

Tuesday, Aug. 8, 2017

Why Vice President Mike Pence is denouncing New York Times reporting about his political future and publicly stating his allegiance to the president. And the stolen childhoods of young Syrians who endured the traumas of civil war and Islamic State rule. Guests: Glenn Thrush, a White House correspondent; Somini Sengupta, a foreign correspondent; Dr. Rajia Sharhan, who treats the displaced children of Syria. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

8 Elo 201721min

Monday, Aug. 7, 2017

Monday, Aug. 7, 2017

As a teenager, Noura Jackson was convicted of killing her mother, and then spent nine years in prison. But from the start, prosecutors possessed a document that could have set her free. Why the omission of evidence, despite its life-altering consequences, is hard to detect — and rarely punished. Guest: Emily Bazelon, a writer for The New York Times Magazine who has been following Ms. Jackson’s case. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

7 Elo 201724min

Friday, Aug. 4, 2017

Friday, Aug. 4, 2017

In 2013, Abigail Fisher sued the University of Texas, saying she had been discriminated against for being white. Now, some students are suing Harvard, saying they were discriminated against for being Asian-American. Both lawsuits can be traced to the same man. But this time, the White House is taking up his cause. Guests: Michael Wang, one of dozens of Asian-American students who have filed a complaint against Harvard; Anemona Hartocollis, who is reporting on the lawsuit; Edward Blum, the man behind the action; Nikole Hannah-Jones, who writes about race and education for The New York Times Magazine. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

4 Elo 201722min

Thursday, Aug. 3, 2017

Thursday, Aug. 3, 2017

President Trump is threatening to undermine the Affordable Care Act, President Barack Obama’s signature legislation. But what if the real threat to Obamacare was put there by Mr. Obama himself — and could bring the whole thing down? Guests: Carl Hulse, chief Washington correspondent; Ken Janda, the chief executive of an insurance provider in Houston. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

3 Elo 201719min

Wednesday, Aug. 2, 2017

Wednesday, Aug. 2, 2017

An expansion of power. A rewriting of the Constitution. Is democracy coming to an end in Venezuela? Plus: What does it mean for a retired four-star general to enter a chaotic White House? Guests: Nicholas Casey, our Andes bureau chief; Michael D. Shear, White House correspondent. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

2 Elo 201723min

Tuesday, Aug. 1, 2017

Tuesday, Aug. 1, 2017

He burned fast and bright. A play-by-play of the brief and tumultuous tenure of Anthony Scaramucci. And how President Putin’s bet on a Trump presidency backfired spectacularly. Guests: Glenn Thrush, a White House correspondent for The New York Times; David E. Sanger, chief Washington correspondent. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

1 Elo 201720min

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