The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2017

Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2017

From fateful call to resignation, the 47-day fall of President Trump’s national security adviser, Michael T. Flynn. We tell the whole story. Guest: Matthew Rosenberg, a national security reporter for The New York Times who has known Mr. Flynn for years. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2l7w8ls. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

15 Helmi 201717min

Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2017

Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2017

America and the Middle East in the Trump administration: deep, personal ties and an emerging plan for peace. Guests: Jodi Kantor, a reporter for The New York Times; Amanda Taub and Max Fisher, who write The Times’ Interpreter column. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2kFDqvC. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

14 Helmi 201720min

Monday, Feb. 13, 2017

Monday, Feb. 13, 2017

Where did Stephen Miller come from, and how will his views on immigration influence the presidency? Also, farmers torn between support for President Trump and fear that he might deport their employees. Guests: Glenn Thrush, White House correspondent for The New York Times; Caitlin Dickerson, a reporter for The Times; and Jeff Marchini, a radicchio farmer in California. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2kiWbsF. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

13 Helmi 201720min

Friday, Feb. 10, 2017

Friday, Feb. 10, 2017

Is President Trump’s travel ban headed to the Supreme Court? Did the boy in the photograph make it to America? Plus: your stories about living through history. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

10 Helmi 201720min

Thursday, Feb. 9. 2017

Thursday, Feb. 9. 2017

Is Senator Warren actually a danger to the Democratic party? And what does Trump’s election mean for the markets? We discuss. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

9 Helmi 201718min

Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2017

Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2017

The travel ban litigation, live-streamed. And why the 60-year-old words of the novelist James Baldwin captured in the film “I Am Not Your Negro” are so resonant right now. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

8 Helmi 201720min

Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2017

Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2017

Why the nomination of Betsy DeVos for secretary of education is President Trump’s most controversial appointment in an already controversial cabinet. Plus: the meaning of four hardback chairs in the Oval Office. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

7 Helmi 201719min

Monday, Feb. 6, 2017

Monday, Feb. 6, 2017

What single figure connects the 2008 financial crisis, the creation of the 2010 Dodd-Frank Act, the Tea Party movement, Donald J. Trump’s election and, now, the potential dismantling of the biggest safeguard against America’s economic ruin? His name is Gary D. Cohn. Also, a Times investigation goes inside the world of the Islamic State and finds that terrorists no longer have to cross borders to carry out their attacks. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

6 Helmi 201719min

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