A Dying Wish. Filled with LIFE

It’s my favorite part of talking to old people.

After so many decades of life, when they look back on the single most important moment or memory, what stands out?

This past week I spoke to Nel, 86, who shared such a poignant moment about her time working in hosice. You might have to turn up the volume and little bit…

“I worked in hospice. My very first patient was a 36 year old woman.

"The nurses gave me her room. I went to her bed and took her hand.

"She was 36, mother of 3, not expected to live through the night. I started crying.

"Tears streaming down my face.

“She said, ‘Are You ok? What’s the matter?’

“I said, ‘I can’t think of one thing that I can say or do that would be helpful to you in anyway.’

“And she said, “Would you shave my legs? My legs have not been shaved in months and I don’t want to die with hairy legs.’

“And I went flying down that hall and got a container of hot water and soap and a razor and shaved her legs and put lotion all over her legs.

“She died that night.

Nel paused for a few moments, then continued...

“What I’m trying to show you is…

“Show up where people are rather than where you think they are.”

I think that's worth repeating.

Show up where people are... rather than where you think they are.

And yet, how often do we just go run through the motions with the people we encounter each day?

This past week, my daughter and I dropped my wife and son at the airport.

While driving home in LA traffic, my daughter starts having a meltdown in the back of the car.

She’s only 1.5 years old so I didn’t think to ask what she wanted. I just went through the motions.

First I tried to give her a snack. Then her water bottle. Then her favorite kids song.

She was still crying, close to the point of hyperventilating…

I looked at Google Maps and we still had 27 minutes left in the drive.

I was desperate and said to her, “Cooper what do you want? What can I do?!?!?!”

She said, “Hold hand. Hold hand.”

I reached my hand back to her. She wrapped her tiny little fingers around mine…and the rest of the drive was perfection.

I had just assumed she needed food or water.

But she wanted something else, and all I needed to do was ask.

We do our best to show up for the people in our lives.

You check in with your partner during the day to see how it’s going

You try to show up for your co-workers.

You connect with brothers and sisters when you have a free moment.

When is the last time someone checked in with you…where you are…instead of where they think you are?

In my conversations with the oldest of old, the stories and memories that make it through their filters are these moments when people reach past the surface layer of life…

...and seek to hear and touch and see what’s happening below the surface.

It’s often sudden and spontaneous, not a planned a moment, certainly not Instagrammable, but so incredibly human.

And it’s something any of us can do, like…right now!

“Show up where people are rather than where you think they are.”

You can turn this on yourself…and ponder the question

What do I need today? Don’t just assume you know…stop and ask…and listen.

What do I need today

I did this exercise

The answer I heard was this:

"A lot more compassion…for myself."

Mel said there are 4 stages of life…survival, curiosity, creativity, and compassion…you have to go through all 3 stages to get to the final stage…

So I thought about that. I’ve survived. I've been curious. I’ve been creative…but i have not been compassionate, certainly not with myself.

Compassion for self is so healing…to exhale…constantly.

That’s what i need today

What do you need today?

Take some time to sit with that question…don’t just pop off an answer…sit with the question